The Heart Wants What It Wants (VIXX N)

This one went places.  Boy, did it go places.  I still have no idea what prompted me to write it.  Have fun with it.  LOL!

You never meant to fall in love with him.  You'd been assigned to watch him.  To befriend him.  Even seduce him if it became necessary.  But never to fall in love with him. You'd moved into the apartment directly across from his, struggling with the door code with a box awkwardly pressed against the frame, your arms shifting to keep it from falling. 

"Here, let me help you with that!"

You looked up into eyes the color of chocolate in a face so beautiful it looked almost unreal.  You'd seen pictures of Cha Hakyeon, but actually seeing him in person was a totally different story.  He took the box from you, allowing you to type in the door code.  The door swung open and you turned to him with a smile. 

"Thank you."

You reached out for the box but he brushed past you, stepping inside and setting the box down on the ground.  He took a look around, his hands on his hips.

"You doing this all by yourself?"

You stepped up beside him and nodded.

"Would you like some help?  I've got some free time."

You found yourself agreeing and he helped you bring up the last of the boxes.  You offered to buy him dinner and when he agreed, it all seemed too easy.  He was nothing like you thought he'd be.  Friendly, sweet, funny, gorgeous.  Nothing like he'd been portrayed by your superiors.  You began to wonder if fate was playing a cruel trick on you. 

Over the next few months your friendship slowly built.  Either he came by your place or you went across the hall to his.  Long conversations, plenty of food and laughter and he became your friend.  You knew you were making a horrible mistake, but for the life of you you couldn't figure out how to avoid it.  He slowly but surely wormed his way into your life.  And on a cold winter's night, into your bed.

He was an attentive lover, giving his all to give you pleasure.  You were falling for him fast and it scared the hell out of you.  He wasn't perfect by any means, but he was perfect to you.  He treated you like a queen and when he asked you to move in with him, you didn't hesitate to say yes. 

The mistakes just kept piling up.  You'd lost your objectivity and had fallen so deeply under his spell you didn't know if you'd ever find your way out.  But you didn't care.  Because you loved him.  And you would do anything for him.

You started fudging your reports to your supervisors, still giving enough information to keep it realistic, but holding back vital information about your boyfriend's dealings.  And he wasn't necessarily circumspect now that you were living together and he trusted you.

Disappearances for days, even weeks at a time.  Late night phone calls.  Disappearing into the office for hours on end.  Conversations that would stop mid-sentence whenever you walked by.  The final blow was the night he staggered home, his clothes smelling of gunpowder and a graze on his temple.  He brushed it off, but you knew.  There was a very good reason why you'd been assigned to watch him.

Your superiors kept pressing for more.  They wanted to catch him.  To bring him to justice.  You were struggling, your sense of duty fighting with your love for him.  You were scared.  Scared you would both make a mistake and that something bad would happen.

You finally reached your breaking point after being called in for a meeting with your superiors.  They felt they had enough evidence to get a search warrant and if that panned out, a warrant for his arrest.  They didn't want you in on it because of who you were to him.  You wanted no part of it anyway and spent the next hour walking the streets, your inner struggle obvious on your face.  There had to be some way to end this.  Some way to keep him safe.

Asking a random stranger if you could use their phone made them look at you funny, but you didn't want your phone number to be anywhere near Hakyeon when this all went down.  You called him and when he answered his phone, you asked him to meet you.  When he questioned why you were on a different phone number, you blew him off, asking him to come.

Handing the phone back to the woman standing next to you, you thanked her and hurried away.  You went to where you'd asked him to meet you and paced, waiting for him.  You waited and waited, but he never showed.  Scared half to death, you finally called work and found out that they'd lied to you.  They had arrested him and were holding him for questioning.  When you heard that, your heart dropped.  They didn't trust you and this whole thing was a complete disaster.

There had to be some way to rectify this situation.  You weren't going to be his knight in shining armor.  For one thing, you didn't have a horse and for another, you didn't even know where they were holding him.  With some careful questioning you got his location and went to work.  You drove up to the building as bold as you please, sliding out of the car and smiling at the plainclothes officer who came up to your door.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to watch the questioning."

"You weren't even supposed to be here..."

He stopped, but he'd said enough.  Ignoring his attempts to stop you, you walked inside, handing your gun over to the waiting guard.  You walked on to the room where they were holding him, stepping inside the observation room.  You looked through the one-way glass and what you saw broke your heart.  Hakyeon sat at a metal table, shackles around his wrists and ankles, two detectives on either side of him.  Hakyeon's head was bent, his eyes on the table in front of him.  The detectives were relentless, their questions flying at rapid speed.

Your arms crossed over your chest, wishing with all your might that you could go in and comfort him.  Your superior walked into the room, his hands coming up on his waist as he glared at you.

"You're not supposed to be here."

"I'm aware of that.  Unfortunately, this is my case.  He is my suspect.  If you're going to question him, I should be the one to do it, don't you think?"

His face relaxed from its glare, his head cocking as he looked you over.  You knew you'd surprised him, but when he relented and gave the okay, you were surprised.  He called the two interrogating Hakyeon out and you waited as they discussed the best strategy.  Your hands were sweating, your heart was pounding so hard in your chest you thought you'd expire and you were terrified of Hakyeon's reaction when you stepped into the room.

Your supervisor finished his powwow with the other two and came over to you.  He told you how he wanted you to handle it and you nodded.  You hated the idea, but knew you had to acquiesce to get into the room.  Taking a deep breath, you walked to the door and pushed it open.  Hakyeon glanced up, his face blanching when he saw you.

"Baby?  What?  Why are you here?"

You sat down across from him, your hands clasped in front of you.  You felt like you were a puppet on someone's string, the words coming from your mouth like you were a ventriloquist dummy.

"I'm sorry, Hakyeon.  I'm here to inform you that you're under arrest for the..." The rest of the words flowed from you, your fingers clenching together on the table.  As soon as you'd started speaking, Hakyeon's head had dropped again, a weariness to his shoulders that was obvious to you from across the table. 

How were you going to do this?  How could you do this?  You wanted to scream.  To unlock his shackles and run far, far away.  So far away no one would ever find you again.  When you finished speaking you had to bite your cheek to keep from crying, the metallic taste of your blood on your tongue.

You stood up and walked out, leaving all of it behind.  You drove home, curling up in the bed you shared with him, his pillow held tight to your chest, his cologne wafting to your nose.  You didn't cry, your heart too numb for that.  You felt like you were being cracked in half, your heart in shreds.  You had betrayed the only man you'd ever truly loved and you were absolutely devastated.  All you wanted was to fix this.  Fix it and make it right.

After many hours of thinking, some of it so outlandish you knew it was your emotions talking, you came up with a plan.  A way to do what you felt was right, even if it broke every law you'd sworn to uphold. 

Planning went into action.  You called in favors you'd forgotten about, finagling it so that you'd be on the transport van that would be taking him to his new home.  The other officer with you was a friend and as you cracked the gun over her temple, knocking her senseless, you prayed she would forgive you some day.  Taking the keys you walked around to the back of the van and opened the door.  Hakyeon looked up at you, his face a carefully blank mask. 

When you bent down to undo the shackles around his ankles, the mask broke, his eyebrows up in shock.  You pulled the strip of cloth out of your pocket and leaned up to wrap it around his eyes, tying it as tight as you could.

"What are you doing?"

"Don't ask me anything right now, Hakyeon.  Just...follow me.  Please."

You led him out of the van, your hand tight around his forearm.

"Why in the hell should I trust you?  Why should I follow you?  You betrayed me in the worst way anyone has ever betrayed me!"

You sighed, running your hand through your hair.  You knew you needed to hash this out, but there wasn't time to do that.  You only had moments before the lack of movement on the van would attract attention.

"I know!  Trust me, I know!  I'm an evil bitch and I deserve to die, but we don't have time for this right now!"

You pulled him with you to the car you'd stashed.  You got him settled in the passenger seat and went around to the driver's side.  The drive was silent; an uncomfortable silence, filled with nothing but the sounds of your breathing.  You kept your eyes on the road, your fingers like vices around the steering wheel. 

The route you took to your final destination was random at best, but you were doing your best to keep anyone from following you.  You'd crossed all your T's and dotted all of your I's, but there was still human error.  You were trying so hard to keep your strength up.  You'd need it for what was to come.

You pulled into the gravel drive and stopped the car.  The old gatehouse in front of you was to be your new home for the moment.  You'd done your research and had stockpiled as many supplies as you thought you needed.  You had kidnapped your fugitive boyfriend, making you a fugitive yourself.  It was like the plot of a bad movie and you hated the fact that you seemed to be the main character.  As long as no one died in the end. 

You turned off the ignition, pocketing the keys.  You got out and went around to open Hakyeon's door.  A hand on his forearm, leading him up the path to the front door.  You pushed the door open and stepped inside.  You reached out and flicked the light switch, the room bathed in pale light.  You walked Hakyeon over to the couch and pushed him down. 

"Sit!"

"I'm not a dog, woman!"

You rolled your eyes as you bustled about, getting food ready to eat and struggling to pretend your boyfriend was not on the couch shackled and blindfolded.  You saw him lift his hands and hurried back to him.  You swatted his hands away and got the key out to unlock the shackles.  Before he could pull any sort of move, you had his hands behind his back, more traditional handcuffs you'd pulled from the back of your pants on his wrists. 

"Stay still," you demanded, your hands on his shoulders holding him in place.  His eyebrows went up, but he didn't say another word.  He settled back in the couch and you went back to food preparations.  Once the food was done, you took the bowl and set it on the table in front of him.

"You're not going to feed me, are you?  Will you please take off this fucking blindfold?  I have no idea where we are, my hands are falling asleep, I need to piss and you're pissing me off!"

You reached for the blindfold and pulled it off, Hakyeon's eyes glaring at your face.  You let out a sigh and reached for the bowl.

"I'm not taking off the handcuffs, Hakyeon, not until we talk.  In the meantime, I'm feeding you this.  If you spit it on me, we've got bigger problems."

He rolled his eyes at you, but opened his mouth when you held the spoon full of soup to his lips.  You fed him in silence, the simple task clearing your mind.  When he finished you wiped his mouth off and sat back.

"I'm ready to talk now," you said, your hands clasped on your lap as you watched him.  Hakyeon turned his head to glare at you, the hatred in his eyes breaking your heart in two.  You'd done this to him.  Broken his trust and his heart.  You were lower than the lowest form of life on earth.  You deserved this.  Deserved his hatred.  Deserved whatever he dished out to you.

"Why did you do it?  Why did you pretend to love me?  Why did you have to betray me like this?"

The heartbreak in his voice made tears well in your eyes, but you held them back by sheer force of will.  Now was not the moment to cry.

"Hakyeon, I do love you.  I never, ever planned on any of this.  Never planned on falling in love with you.  God, I'm messed up.  I messed everything up!"

"But why?  I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what the hell happened and I'm completely at a loss."

You sighed and sat forward, your hands reaching out to him, before going back to your lap.  How could you explain this?  Clearing your throat, you tried.

"I'll tell you my side of the story.  I know it won't do much, but I want you to know and understand why I did what I did, okay?"

He didn't say anything, turning his face away from you.  You bit your lip, but started to talk.

"I was assigned to watch you.  To befriend you."

"To seduce me," he said, his voice bitter.

"Yes, but I didn't plan on having sex with you.  It went against everything I stand for as a woman.  But I did the other two things willingly, knowing enough about you, but not enough.  Not knowing your sweetness.  Your loyalty.  The way you make me feel like the most beautiful, cherished woman in the world.  I wasn't prepared for...you!  How could I be?  You came along and swept me right off my feet!"

"If only I knew then what I know now.  I would have stayed far, far away from you.  You're poison."

Your hands went to his face, forcibly turning his head to face yours.

"I am not poison, Hakyeon.  Once I realized that I'd fallen for you, I started doing stupid shit.  I tampered with evidence.  I lied to my superiors.  All because I'd fallen so hard for you I couldn't stand to see you hurt!  Jesus, this is breaking me in two and nothing I say will make you believe me.  But, Hakyeon, I love you so much!  So much!  I've fucked things up so badly that I've put my job and my life on the line.  I've become an idiot and a cliche.  I'm so sorry and I just...I don't even know what to do anymore!"

Hakyeon stared at you, his eyes still so cold.  You'd spilled your guts to him, your body heaving as you tried to breathe, close to hyperventilating.  You were a mess.  Pure and simple.

"If you loved me so much, why didn't you tell me anything?  Why didn't you warn me that they were coming to take me in?"

"I didn't know!  Why do you think I called you from a different number?  I was going to warn you and tell you to get away.  I didn't know that they'd already decided to bring you in for questioning."

"So why did you decide to reveal yourself to me like that?  You could have kept me in the dark about your involvement, not tear my heart out of my chest and stomp all over it."

"I don't know what to tell you!  They believed you to be doing some awful things.  At first I was there for justice, but after I got to know you...to fall in love with you, I couldn't see it anymore.  You're too good a person to be what they think you are."

"What is that?"

You didn't answer him, your hands dropping from his face. 

"I'll help you to the bathroom.  I know nothing I say will change the way you feel right now.  I get that.  I'm sorry, Hakyeon.  I'll say that until I'm blue in the face.  I love you and I'm sorry."

Hakyeon didn't respond, standing up when you prompted him to.  You undid the handcuffs, snapping one around your wrist and one around his before leading him to the bathroom and turning your back so he could do his business.  Once he was done, he washed his hands and you led him back out to the living room.  You bit your lip, trying to decide where to put him so he wouldn't escape.  Hakyeon didn't say a word, his arm brushing against yours where your wrists were handcuffed together.

"If you're worried, just keep it like this.  I can't very easily escape when we're handcuffed together."

It was like he'd read your mind.  You went into the bedroom and got on the bed, maneuvering until you both lay comfortably.  You kept your silence, your eyes closing.  You were exhausted, your adrenaline high long since gone and leaving you crashing.  You drifted off to sleep, your last thought being that you wished this was all a bad dream.

Sunlight hitting your eyes the next morning woke you out of a dead sleep.  You blinked up at the ceiling, your brain fuzzy as you woke up.  The last twenty-four hours came rushing back to you making you roll over and put your head in the pillow.  Or try to anyway.

Your hands were up over your head, your wrists cuffed to the metal headboard.  You lifted your head to look around and saw that you were as naked as the day you were born, your legs tied separately and apart. 

"Hakyeon!"

The screech that came out of your mouth was enough to make you cringe it was so loud.  Hakyeon sauntered into the room wearing nothing but a pair of blue boxer briefs, a banana in his hand.  How had he gotten free?

"How?"

"You need to remember to clear your pockets before going to sleep, baby."

Your head dropped back on the pillow, a sigh of disgust coming from your lips.  You were an idiot. 

"And I'm naked, why?"

"It depends on how this conversation goes."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Hakyeon finished off  the banana and motioned at you. 

"You're the one who came up with this crazy idea.  Don't tell me you didn't think of doing the same thing to me.  Now shut up and let me talk for a minute, hmm?"

You lifted your head to glare at him, but kept your mouth shut.

"I've been thinking about what you said last night.  You claim to love me.  You claim you did all of this for me.  But how do I know that?"

"Hakyeon..."

"No, let me finish!"

You bit your tongue, but nodded.

"In all of these grand plans of yours, did you ever take into consideration how I felt?  How I feel, for that matter?  You've never said you loved me, not until last night.  How do you think this makes me feel?  I've been in love with you for so long I've forgotten what my life was like without you and I've never heard those words from you until we're in the middle of this asinine situation that was caused by your misguided fucking emotions!  Jesus!  Why?  Why did you do this?  Why couldn't you just walk away?"

The tears you'd been holding back welled up and spilled down your cheeks. 

"I should have talked to you.  I should have told you I loved you.  I should have done a lot of things.  And you're right, this is my fuck up.  I screwed up so badly that I'll never be able to go back.  And I did do it in some misguided attempt to show you how much I loved you.  I don't...I don't know why I keep messing things up.  I feel like an imbecile and you probably think I am one too."

Hakyeon walked over to stand beside the bed, his eyes focused on your face.

"When did you fall in love with me," he asked, sitting down on the bed beside you. 

"Probably the moment you helped me move in the boxes on the day I moved into the apartment across from yours."

"I remember seeing you struggling at the door and thinking I had to talk to you.  I'd never seen anyone so beautiful.  I think I fell in love with you then too."

"Why are we so messed up," you whispered.  You wished you could touch him, your hands pulling uselessly at the handcuffs.

"I don't know.  But we are."

He leaned down and kissed you, his lips soft yet firm against yours.  His hands cupped your face, tilting your head just so as he deepened the kiss.  You sighed as he licked over your lips, his tongue sliding against yours.  The feeling of his kiss, something you'd missed so desperately, made you cry out, your body arching towards him.  You needed him to touch you.  To make you feel worthy of him.

You were completely at his mercy, your hands and legs pulling uselessly against their shackles.  He pulled back, looking deep into your eyes.  You could see the warmth there again, the love that had been missing.  The tears slid down your cheeks, your emotions in too many directions to handle. 

"I love you.  So much.  More than I can tell you.  More than you'll ever know."

"I love you too.  Hakyeon, please, make love to me.  Please.  I need to feel you.  I need to be connected to you again."

He brushed another kiss over your lips before standing up and shucking off his underwear.  He crawled onto the bed, maneuvering between your spread legs, brushing kisses over your skin as he moved up.  He settled between your legs, his mouth on you before you had a chance to think.  You let out a moan as his tongue flicked over your clit before sliding down to your opening, circling it.  His tongue slid inside you, before sliding back up to your clit.  Two fingers thrust deep inside of you, matching thrusts with licks. 

Your head thrashed against the pillows, your body needing to move.  Wanting to move.  You tried to arch up to meet his tongue, your thighs protesting the angle. 

"Hakyeon!"

He ignored your cry, his focus on bringing you to climax.  And you did, your thighs twitching as your head arched back in the pillows as you convulsed around his fingers.  He brought you up again and again, a relentless attack on your most sensitive flesh.  You were blind to anything but the way your body felt, your bones feeling like they were turning into jello as you arched one final time, your body twitching uselessly under him.

His fingers pulled out and he moved back, pressing a kiss to your pubic bone before sliding up your body until you were face to face.  His lips were shiny with your pleasure, but you didn't care as he leaned down and kissed you so intently your toes curled.  He reached down, taking his cock in hand, lining it up and sliding inside. 

The feel of him inside you, brushing against your sensitive flesh made you shudder under him.  You wanted to wrap your arms around him, hold him close as he fucked you, but you were completely helpless. 

He began to thrust, his hips rolling against you as he kept his kisses deep and leisurely, his tongue exploring the recesses of your mouth.  His arms were braced on either side of your head as he moved to kiss your nose, your cheek, your jaw, before settling on the juncture between neck and shoulder.  He bit down, his tongue swirling as he began to suck, bringing up a bruise on your skin, marking you.  He moved to the other side, doing the same thing. 

"Please, Hakyeon, please!  I'm so sensitive and I just want to hold you!  Please, let me go and let me come."

He stopped thrusting, his head lifting up as he smiled at you.  He began to thrust in earnest, his hand sliding down so that he could brush his fingers over your clit.  Each thrust made you moan, hitting you just so deep inside. 

You cried out as the orgasm struck, clenching down tight on him.  He grunted, following right behind you.  His weight collapsed on you as he took a deep breath, trying to get his bearings.  You lay there gasping, your body twitching. 

Hakyeon pulled out and sat up.  He reached for the keys on the bedside table and undid your wrists, bringing them down and gently chafing to bring back blood flow.  He did the same thing to your ankles, cutting the rope he'd tied them with.  He lifted you up, carrying you to the adjoining bathroom.  He turned on the shower and got inside with you. 

You stood still as he bathed you, his hands brushing every inch of your body.  You were so blissed out you could barely stand, your back against the shower wall.  Hakyeon went on his knees, spreading the lips of your sex apart, his tongue brushing gently over you.  He brought you to another shimmering climax, your body arching into his face, your hands buried in his hair.

After the shower he got you dried off and dressed.  He led you out to the couch, curling up beside you.  You sat in companionable silence for hours, your bodies entwined as you reconnected, almost on a spiritual level. 

The crunch of footsteps on gravel had you scrambling to your feet, your hand immediately reaching for your gun.  You flicked off the safety and cocked it, before glancing at Hakyeon. 

"Go!  Get out of here!"

"I'm not leaving you!"

"Yes, you are," you hissed, grabbing hold of his forearm with your free hand and shoving him towards the back door.  "I'll be okay!  Just go!"

Hakyeon watched you for a long, drawn out moment, wasting precious seconds, before he nodded and pulled open the door.  He pulled you to him, his mouth harsh against yours before he pulled away and took off. 

You took a deep breath, settling your nerves, knowing what you had to do now.  He was free.  You'd done what you set out to do. 

"This is the police!  We have you surrounded!  Come out with your hands up!"

With one final glance in the direction Hakyeon had disappeared to, you turned to face them, your gun at the ready.