Perfect In My Eyes (VIXX N)

Some would say this is my most...controversial scenario.  It's still one of my favorites and still makes me sniffle when I read certain parts of it.  I hope you enjoy!

The first time you met Cha Hakyeon was in Grade 5.  He was a bit of a teacher's pet and could sometimes be a little obnoxious, but he became your friend.  Not just your friend, but your best friend.  You grew up together going to the same schools all the way up until you graduated.  While you went off to college, he took a different route, becoming the leader of VIXX and debuting as a KPOP idol.

When you saw he'd debuted, you felt happy for him.  He'd always been a bit of a diva and liked attention, so you figured his new life was a perfect fit for him.  And then the negativity began.  The other members loved to tease Hakyeon about a lot of things, including the shade of his skin.  At first nothing happened, since this wasn't unusual in Korean culture. 

But as VIXX's popularity soared, so did their fandom.  Now, instead of just Korean fans there were fans from all over the world.  The innocent comments by the members as their way of bonding with their leader were turned into a full out war amongst the fans.  You didn't notice this at first, being too involved in your schoolwork and college life in general.  It was when you started receiving random texts from Hakyeon that you realized something was going on.

'I received a bottle of skin whitener from a fan today.  I guess they want me to be white.'

'I was on a variety show today.  The MC made a comment about my dark skin.  I wish I could be lighter so this would stop.'

'I miss being Cha Hakyeon.  I'm tired.  So tired.'

The seriousness of the texts raised red flags for you.  He was your best friend and had never been so negative.  You got on the computer and logged into their fan cafe.  The messages you saw made you want to cry.  Everything from comments about his skin color to tirades by fans towards the other members and their comments.  You were furious at the lack of tact so many people had. 

You'd always thought Hakyeon's skin color was beautiful.  You weren't of the mindset so many others were about lighter skin being better.  You just loved him for who he was.  And you did love him.  Your friendship had always been super important to you and when you'd gone off to college you didn't realize how much you'd miss him.  Now that you were close to graduation you wanted to go home.  Go back to him.  Be there for him.  Love him even if it never went any further than a deep friendship. 

You responded to his texts, telling him that he was beautiful.  That he had to let it roll off his back.  That he was strong enough to handle this and that you were always there for him.  It hurt your heart that something that used to make him so happy just seemed to be wearing him down. 

Graduation finally came and you went back to him.  You got a job in your field and found a small apartment that you could afford.  You texted him telling him where you were and he sent a reply back telling you how glad he was that you were there.  At first the only way you communicated was by text since he was right in the middle of promotions and you were just starting out at your job.  The texts were random and vague, but you enjoyed your connection to him. 

You'd been there five months when he texted asking if you were free to meet up for lunch.  You agreed and you got ready with shaking fingers.  It would be the first time you'd seen him in almost five years and you were excited.  Dressing in jeans and a sweater, you walked the few blocks to the small diner you'd agreed to meet at. 

Stepping inside you spotted him sitting in a booth near the back and walked over to him.  What you saw made your heart sink.  He'd lost weight, his face looking slightly sunken in.  Fine lines around his eyes and a slight grimace to his lips.  It made you want to snuggle him close and whisper that it was okay. 

When he saw you, his eyes lit up and that beautiful smile you loved so much lit his face.  He stood up and gathered you in his arms, his embrace snug enough to make you feel surrounded by him.  Your arms wrapped around his waist and you just leaned against him, soaking in his warmth and the scent of his cologne.  He let go and motioned for you to sit down before sliding across from you.  He took both of your hands in his, squeezing gently.

"I'm so happy to see you!  You look gorgeous!"

You smiled, a blush reddening your cheeks.  You tried not to take him seriously since he was always rather free with compliments, but it still made you feel good.  You squeezed his hands back and shook your head.

"I wish I could say the same, Hakyeon.  Are you okay?"

The smile disappeared, replaced by a blank stare.  He'd gotten good at hiding his emotions and you weren't able to read him as clearly as you used to.  He pulled his hands away and sat back in his chair, arms crossing over his chest. 

"I'm okay."

"No, you're not!  Jesus, Hakyeon, look at you!  You look so tired and worn out.  I'm worried about you!"

He shook his head, looking everywhere but at you. 

"I said I'm fine."

You let out a huffy sigh, wishing you could smack some sense into him.  More than anything you wanted to give him comfort.  Show him that you cared.  But you had no idea where to even start or what to say. 

You stood up, holding a hand out to him. 

"Let's take a walk."

He looked up at you with a frown, but took your hand.  You pulled him to his feet and led him outside, not letting go of his hand.  You meandered through the neighborhood, not speaking, but allowing him just a short time of normalcy.  Your feet led you to a small park a block away from your apartment.  You led him to the swings, letting go of his hand to sit on one of them.  You motioned at the other, a smile crossing your face when he sat down.  You began to swing, pumping your legs gently.  You felt like you were a child again, the wind in your face. 

When you heard the laughter you turned your head, a smile lighting your face when you saw Hakyeon's face lit up with laughter.  His eyes were closed and his head was thrown back as he pumped his legs, the swing going higher and higher.  You stopped, your feet planting on the ground as you twisted your swing until you faced him completely.  You just watched, your heart feeling light for the first time in a long time.  It was a beautiful sight, his laughter contagious. 

You giggled, your hand coming up to cover your lips.  He opened his eyes and glanced over at you, a comical look crossing his face when he realized you'd been watching him.  A blush covered his cheeks and he quit pumping, allowing the swing to come to a halt.

"Sorry, I got carried away."

"No, it was cute.  It reminded me of our childhood."

He twisted his swing to face you, his head against the chain.

"Sometimes I miss that; our childhood.  We were more innocent back then."

"I know.  But we're adults now.  We've got more armor built up to allow us to live our lives.  I'm sorry yours seems to be dented."

He sighed and scuffed his toe over the asphalt below you.

"I'm twenty-five years old and there are times I wonder if this path I've chosen was the right decision.  The boys are getting hammered left and right, all of their comments gone through with a fine toothed comb.  No matter what I do or say, everyone thinks my life is miserable because of my coloring.  I like my coloring.  I just wish everyone else did too."

"I love your coloring, Hakyeon.  You've always been beautiful in my eyes."

The smile that crossed his lips seemed bittersweet.  He reached out a hand to you and you did the same, your fingers entwining.

"I love you.  I hope you know that."

"I love you too."

You knew he meant it, but not in the way you'd meant it.  You let out a little sigh, but squeezed his fingers, thankful you could be there for him.  The peace that came over you at that moment was beautiful.  The quiet of the park, the feeling of his fingers entwined with yours, the fact that you were there with him.  It felt perfect.

You didn't know how long you sat there.  Long enough that the sun started to sink on the horizon, darkness starting to cover you.  Hakyeon let out a long, deep sigh, his fingers leaving yours.

"I should get back."

"I don't want this night to end," you whispered, feeling tears scratching the back of your throat.

"I don't either.  Thank you for this," he said, standing up and holding a hand out to you.  He helped you stand up and you began walking towards your apartment.  You hadn't lied when you said you wished the night wouldn't end, but knew you couldn't be selfish.  Now that you were there you knew you'd see him more often.  It just hurt to watch him walk away after he got you to your front door.

Over the next few months you met as often as your schedules allowed.  More often than not, Hakyeon ended up at your apartment, the two of you curled up on your couch as you talked about anything and everything.  Your friendship had changed; no longer the sweet, innocent friendship of childhood, but one that was deeper, almost spiritual.  Hakyeon trusted you with things you knew he never talked about to anyone else.  Everything he told you you kept close to your heart, cherishing it and him.

The sweet love that you'd had for him all those years had deepened as well.  The man he had become was so much more than you'd ever expected.  His every thought was of others, especially the other members.  He worried for Taekwoon, Jaehwan and Wonsik, but his greatest worries were for the two youngest.  They were the ones that seemed to get the most negative feedback, which broke his heart.  He knew they loved him as much as he loved them and it worried him that others couldn't seem to see that.  He often fretted to you, wishing he had the answer to a problem that no one had an answer to really.  You did your best to comfort him, letting him talk it out until he exhausted himself.

It was late one night when your phone rang, waking you up out of a dead sleep.  You rolled over, fumbling for it.  Once you got it up to your ear you mumbled a gruff hello.

"Can I come over?"

You glanced at the clock, your eyes widening with surprise when you realized just how late it was.  But something in his voice made you say okay.  You'd never heard that tone before and it scared you.  The buzzing at your door a half hour later had you pulling the door open as soon as you heard it.  Hakyeon stood there, hands jammed in his pockets, his eyes red.  He looked like hell and you didn't know what to do.  Instinct kicked in and you held your arms open.  Without a word he stepped forward, his arms coming around you as he buried his head into your shoulder with a deep sigh.

Maneuvering around, you kicked your door shut before leading him to the couch.  You got situated, twisted around so that you could keep him in your arms.  You knew he was crying, the wetness on your shoulder obvious, but you didn't mention it.  It was something he needed to do and you let him, your hand sliding up and down his back in comfort.

You sat like that as long as you could, your body protesting the odd angle.  When your back began to spasm, you shifted.  Hakyeon pulled away, his hands coming up to wipe his face.

"I'm so sorry!  I didn't mean for that to happen."

You straightened your back, shaking your head at him.

"Don't say that!  Never apologize for something like that, ever!  Okay?"

He nodded, his head down, fingers twisting in his lap.  You reached out, placing your hands over his.

"Hakyeon, what's the matter?  Did something happen?"

 "Nothing happened; not really.  I'm just so tired!  So tired of all of this.  Why can't we just be left alone to make music and make people happy?  Why is there so much drama?  Why?"

His voice got louder the more he spoke, the strident tone at odds to his usual sweetness.  You patted his hands, not knowing what to say. 

"Why don't you sleep here tonight?  My bed is more than big enough for the two of us.  I've got an extra blanket and pillows.  Please.  I'm just...I'm worried for you."

He nodded, getting up to follow you into your bedroom.  You got out a blanket and a couple of pillows, laying them on the bed beside your own.  You went into the bathroom and got an extra toothbrush that you hadn't opened yet, setting it on the counter next to the sink.  You left him to wash up and curled back on the bed, your blankets pulled up to your chin.  You were exhausted, but you hadn't lied.  You didn't want him to leave, your worry eating at you.  Having him there where you could watch him made you ignore the fact that he'd be sharing a bed with you.

He finished in the bathroom and walked over to the bed.  He got in beside you, situating his blanket and fluffing the pillows under his head.  He rolled over onto his side, facing you, his hands cupped under the pillow as he smiled at you.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For always being here for me whenever I need you."

"Hakyeon, you're my best friend.  I love you and want you to be happy.  Just, go to sleep, okay?"

He nodded, his eyes closing.  You rolled over to turn out the light, settling into your pillows.  You closed your eyes, but sleep eluded you.  The sound of his breathing as he drifted off to sleep, the warmth of his body at your back, the fact that you were sharing a bed with him...it seemed so surreal. 

Waking up the next morning, a weight held you to the bed, a warm body snug against your back.  Sometime during the night he'd snuggled up against you, his arm wrapped around your waist and his face buried in your neck.  Leg slung over your thighs, morning erection pressed against your ass.  You lay there for a moment, sleep still fogging your brain, savoring the sensation of having him close to you and him being so unaware of it. 

After a moment you shook it off, carefully extracting yourself from his hold.  You wrapped his arm around your pillow, hoping he'd continue to sleep.  You went through your morning ablutions before going out to the kitchen to start breakfast.  It was Saturday and you always spoiled yourself on Saturday, starting with breakfast.  Ham sizzling in a skillet, eggs steaming, toast in the toaster and fresh-squeezed orange juice.  You set the table, pretending deep in your head that you were playing house.  It was stupid, but you allowed yourself a moment to enjoy the fantasy before pushing it aside.

You heard the toilet flush and water running.  Hakyeon stumbled out of the bedroom, a serious case of bedhead and droopy eyes making you want to hug him.  Instead you motioned for him to sit down, setting a full plate and a glass of juice beside him.

"Eat!"

He smiled before doing so, humming in pleasure as he took his first bite. 

"Where did you learn to cook like this," he asked around a mouthful of egg.  The look on his face made you giggle. 

"Self-taught.  Finish up!"

He rolled his eyes at you but complied.  You sipped your juice and stared at him surreptitiously, wishing he was really yours.  God, you loved him.  It hurt that he'd be leaving as soon as he finished, but you plastered a smile on your face, not wanting him to see it.

Soon the meal was finished and you gathered up the dishes to wash them.  Hands in hot soapy water, diligently cleaning up.  You heard him clear his throat before he stepped next to you, a dry towel in his hand.  Without saying a word he took the clean dish from you and began to dry it.  You watched for a moment before shaking your head and continuing on. 

The scene of domesticity continued as you cleaned up, Hakyeon never far from your side.  When you went in to make the bed, he stood on the other side, helping you lay the sheets flat.  You weren't sure how to handle this side of him and kept your mouth shut.  You enjoyed his company, though it gave you visions of a future you knew you'd never have with him. 

You excused yourself to go take a shower, thinking he'd be gone when you finished.  You got dressed, but had a towel wrapped around your wet hair as you went out to the living room.  A shriek escaped your lips when you saw him sitting on the couch, magazine in hand.  He stood up quickly, arms swinging when he heard your shriek, only stopping when he realized he was the reason for you doing so.  He sat back down on the couch with a chuckle, shaking his head at you.

"Jesus, Hakyeon!  I didn't think you'd still be here!"

"I'm sorry!  I just...I didn't want this day to end.  It's so peaceful and quiet here, you know?"

You nodded, your hand coming up to touch the towel wrapped around your head.  You felt overexposed and slightly uncomfortable with him seeing you that way, but you sucked it up.  This was what you always looked like right after a shower.  If he didn't like it, oh well.

You flopped down on the couch beside him, bracing your feet on the coffee table.  You leaned your head back against the cushion and glanced at him.

"What would you like to do then?"

"I don't care.  As long as it's with you."

Your eyebrows furrowed at his choice of words, but you didn't acknowledge them.  He didn't mean it the way you took it.  You knew that. 

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

He nodded, tossing the magazine down on the table.  You reached for the remote and went through the channels until you found a movie you could both agree on.  Snuggling back into the couch, the opening scene started.  The night of interrupted sleep had you slipping into slumber, your body slumping on the couch.   You tried to fight it, but lost the battle.

You came to when the ending credits were scrolling up the screen.  Your eyes blinked open and you glanced around, confused.  Everything was at an odd angle and it took you a second to realize why.  When you did, you sat up quickly, your hands flying up to cover your mouth.  You glanced at Hakyeon to see the smirk on his lips. 

"I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay!  My lap is comfy.  I get that."

You felt like dying on the spot, the blush painful in its intensity.  You'd been laying there for god knows how long, your face mere inches from his crotch.  God, it was humiliating.  You couldn't look at him, standing up to go get something to drink.  Your throat felt parched and you needed to get away from him for a minute. 

Head in the refrigerator as you looked for something to drink, hoping the cool air would get the heat off your face.  Hands on your hips, pulling you backwards.  Your head came up, thumping against the top of the fridge.

"Ouch!  Damn it!"

Your hands flew up to rub your head, tears threatening.  That really hurt!  You looked over your shoulder to see Hakyeon standing there, his hands still resting on your hips.  You glanced down at his hands and back at him, your eyebrows raised in question.  He walked backwards, pulling you with him.  When you were a safe distance from the fridge, he turned you around until you faced him.  Your hands still rested on your head, wondering where your towel had disappeared to and why on earth he was touching you.

"I'm sorry!  I didn't mean to startle you."

"Hakyeon, what is going on?"

He looked down at the floor, his lower lip between his teeth before he looked back up at you.

"I realized something this morning."

"Mmhmm...and?"

"I love you."

"Yes, Hakyeon, I know you do.  I love you too."

"No, you're not hearing me.  I.  Love.  You."

Your mouth dropped open in shock as you stared at him.  Had you heard him correctly?

"You love me?  Like, love love me?"

"Yes, love love you."

"Get out of here!"

He chuckled as he shook his head.

"That's not how I hoped this conversation would go, but okay."

His hands left your hips and he turned to walk away.  You face palmed, realizing what you'd just done.  How on earth could this be happening?  He actually loved you.

"Hakyeon!  Wait!"

He turned to face you, his hands in his pockets.  His head cocked to the side as he waited.

"I love you too.  Love love you."

The smile that lit his face put any other smile of his to shame.  The sheer beauty of it took your breath away.  Him swooping in and pulling you close, his mouth over yours didn't help either.  Your arms went up around his neck as he kissed you like you were his everything, his arms around your waist, holding you tight.

Tongue brushing over lips, gasps for air, tongue inside pushing against yours.  You moaned, your fingers playing with the skin at the back of his neck.  You felt the shudder go through him, before he pulled back and lifted you up, hiking your legs up around his waist. 

Stumbling into your bedroom, tumbled onto the bed, his body solid over yours.  Hands brushing hair away from your face as he stared down at you, that beautiful smile still on his face.  You lifted your hand, caressing his cheek.

"I love you so much," you whispered.  "I've loved you for so long.  It always killed a little of me whenever you'd say you loved me too and I knew you didn't mean it the same as I did."

"Well, I mean it now.  I'm sorry it took me so long."

You lifted your head up as he bent forward, your lips meeting in a kiss of pure sweetness.  You hooked your leg over his hip and rolled until you were on top of him, pelvis against pelvis.  His cock was hard underneath you and you let out a sigh of pure bliss.  He frowned, trying to sit up, but you pushed him back down.

"Let me take care of you, hmm?  I want you to see how beautiful I think you are.  Let me show you?"

He watched you for a moment before nodding and settling back into the pillows.  Scooting back until you straddled his thighs, you ran your hands over him, starting at his shoulders.  The muscles flexed and twitched under your touch, but he kept still.  You motioned for him to lift up and pulled his shirt over his head.  The sight of his beautiful skin before you made you let out a whimper of appreciation.

He wasn't ripped but he was defined, his muscles etched so wonderfully into his skin.  You leaned forward, brushing your lips over him.  The taste of his skin like ambrosia on your tongue, making you hunger for more.  Flicking your tongue over his nipple, chuckling softly when he let out a hiss of breath.  Moving down, you brushed kisses over his stomach, dipping your tongue into his navel.  Fingers at the top button of his jeans, slowly undoing each one, brushing a kiss over each millimeter of skin you revealed.

Shifting your weight to shimmy his jeans down his thighs, leaving them bunched around his knees.  Tight black boxer briefs, cock straining underneath.  Tongue between your teeth as you slid your fingers under the waistband and pulled them down, revealing him to your sight.  His cock, thick and veined, fully erect.  He was beautiful.  You glanced up at his face, the expression on his face enough to make you shiver.  You'd never had anyone look at you so intently and with so much love. 

Licking your lips, you pulled his underwear down until they were bunched up with his jeans.  Taking him in your hand you moved up a bit so you had better access.  You flicked the tip of your tongue over the slit at the head of his cock, tasting him for the first time.  The taste of him on your tongue; salty and slightly bitter.  The way his thighs trembled under you before he settled, his hands coming down to rest on his stomach.

You ran the flat of your tongue from the base up to the head and back down again, before sliding up and taking him fully in your mouth.  Your tongue swirled around the tip before you slid down, not stopping until he hit the back of your throat.  You fought the urge to gag, not wanting anything more than to take care of him and his needs. 

"Shit!"

You ignored him, focusing on your task of having him come undone under your touch.  You started out slow, swirling your tongue around the head every time you pulled back.  Once you picked up your pace he could no longer stay still, his hips rolling underneath you as he thrust into your hold. 

You could feel his orgasm coming, the way his movements stuttered and his hips jerked under your touch.  You pulled back, watching as he came all over his stomach and chest.  You licked your fingers before sliding up, your tongue swiping over him to clean him off.  It wasn't something you would normally do, but it was Hakyeon.  That said everything.

He lay there, his body twitching as he gasped for air.  You lay on your side beside him, your head on a hand as you traced your fingers over his chest.  When he finally got himself under control, his hand came up to clasp your wrist.

"What about you?"

"What about me?  I can wait."

"No, I don't think so."

With that he rolled over and had you on your back before you could blink.  Hands busy at the zipper of your hoodie, pulling it down, revealing your thin camisole underneath.  You'd forgone a bra after your shower and now you were thanking yourself as he pulled the material up, revealing you to him.  Soft lips pressed to your belly, up to your breast, closing around your nipple.  Tongue flicking over you, making you moan.  Your hands in his hair, holding him close.

A breathless chuckle against your skin as he shifted so that he could rest between your legs.  His tangled jeans and underwear got in his way and he sat up to kick them off.  You sat up too, stripping off your hoodie and camisole before laying back down.  When he glanced at you and saw your upper half was now completely naked, he smiled.

Fingers brushing down your arm to twine around your fingers, lifting them to his mouth.  Warm, wet tongue circling your index finger before sucking it into his mouth.  Tongue flicking just so, sending shivers down your spine.  You held back a whimper, the sensuality of his movements overwhelming. 

Fingers of his other hand busy with the tie at your waist.  Sliding down the front, into your panties.  Parting your sex, fingers brushing over your clit before slipping inside of you.  Back arching, eyes closing as you let yourself feel. 

"God, Hakyeon!"

The chuckle that came out of him could only described as devilish, but as his fingers began to thrust in and out of you as he continued sucking on your finger, you didn't care.  You knew he could feel how wet you were and at any other time you probably would have been embarrassed, but he chose that moment to nip your finger, his teeth sharp against your skin.

The orgasm hit out of nowhere, your body convulsing around his fingers.  He hadn't even gotten your pants off and you were coming around his fingers.  But you'd been on a hair trigger for such a long time.  This wasn't enough for you and you let out a whimper as you moved your hands to the waistband of your pants and tried to shove them down your thighs.  Hakyeon sat back, his fingers and mouth leaving you to strip them down your legs.

"Condoms?"

You motioned in the direction of the bathroom and he got up to go get them, leaving you to admire his truly spectacular ass.  High, tight and so firm you could bounce quarters off it.  The view when he came back was even better, semi-hard cock right there for you to see.  He tossed the condom onto the bed beside your head and crawled onto the bed, settling between your legs.

Kisses, soft and sweet, tongue brushing over your lips.  Hands running up and down your sides.  Cupping the fullness of your breasts, fingers tweaking nipples.  Teeth nipping your lower lip before his tongue brushed over it, soothing the bruised flesh.

Foil crinkling.  Deft fingers rolling on the condom.  Hands between your thighs, pulling them farther apart.  A quick tasting before coming up to kiss you again.  Cock against you before sliding inside, the fullness making you sigh in pure pleasure.  He filled you so perfectly and as he began to thrust it made you want to cry.  You'd never been taken so gently before, his every thrust gliding into you so perfectly. 

Your legs went up to hook around his hips, allowing you to arch into his thrusts.  Hands at your waist, arching your back.  Mouth at your neck, teeth brushing your skin.  You let out a moan, your hands coming up to rest on his shoulders, sliding over his sweat-glistened skin. 

"Hakyeon!"

He grunted against your neck before he came back to your mouth, this kiss almost bruising in its intensity.  Thrusts coming harder and faster, making you cry out in pure pleasure.  You were so close, your body straining for it.  The fact that it was the man you'd loved for as long as you could remember thrusting into you seemed surreal, his every movement there to bring you pleasure.  It felt so good it almost hurt, your lungs gasping for air.

You felt the orgasm coming, your body arching up tight against his as you found it.  Your body convulsed against his and you felt him reach his peak at the same time, his cock twitching inside of you.  His weight collapsed down on you, his arms tight around you. You lay like that, the only sound your lungs as you gasped for breath.  Sweat drenched your skin but you didn't care. 

"I love you, Hakyeon," you whispered against his ear.  You felt him smile before he lifted his head and bent down to kiss your cheek.

"I love you too.  More than I can say."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being my friend all these years.  For loving me.  For being who you are."

The kiss he pressed to your lips was almost reverent in its sweetness before he leaned his forehead against yours and let out a sigh.

"Thank you for loving me for who I am.  Thank you for giving me a reason to smile.  I love you so much.  So much."