A Healing Time (VIXX Ken)

Still one of the hardest stories I've ever written.  I hope you enjoy it again!  :)





TEN YEARS AGO:

The room was dark, a barely used classroom, lost in the bowels of the schools.  Arms over your head, squatted in the corner, curled up in the smallest ball possible.  Holding your breath, hoping they wouldn't hear you.  You could hear the footsteps and that obnoxious hyena giggle.  You bit your lip and tried not to shift position even though your thigh was cramping up.

Why was this happening to you?  You were fifteen years old; bullying shouldn't be something you had to deal with anymore.  And yet, here you were, every single day.  You were so tired and wished your father would get transferred again, preferably far, far away.  Anything to get you out of this school and away from him.  The door cracked open and you straightened up, determined to face them head on.  They walked in like they owned it, the leader stopping right in front of you, hands on his hips and a sneer on his lips.

"Aw, so the ugly duckling was hiding.  What's the matter?  You scared?"

You shook your head, hands clenching into fists at your sides.  No matter what you said, you knew it would only make it worse.  For some reason he hated you and his little group of followers did everything he wanted them to do.  But you also knew that you were done letting him treat you like this.  You needed to stand up for yourself.

"You know what?  No, I'm not scared.  What I am is tired of this stupid bullshit!  Who died and made you God?  I'm so fed up with your obnoxious behavior and your stupid minions following every little thing you tell them to do.  All I want to do is come to school, be left alone and do my schoolwork.  Not deal with your stupidity!"

You knew you should shut up, but now that the floodgates were open, you couldn't stop.  You were so angry and so hurt.  What had you ever done to him and his little minions to have them treat you like this?  You could see the expression on his face change from a sneer to something much more sinister and your subconscious screamed at you to shut up.

Harsh hands gripped the front of your blouse and lips hard against yours, teeth biting into your lip.  You tasted blood and began to struggle, hands on his shoulders to push him off.  It had gone from bullying to something much more terrifying.  You could hear that stupid hyena giggle, but also the shuffling of feet as his cronies realized things had changed.  

A hand on your breast, fingers squeezing tight enough to bruise.  You let out a whimper, struggling to get away.  Your back against the wall, a hard thigh shoved between your legs.  Terror coursed through you.  You knew where this was headed and you began fighting in earnest.

Fists clenched, you wrenched back, your lip tearing in the process.  You swung, your punch landing squarely in the center of his nose, the satisfying crunch of bones breaking loud in the deathly quiet room.  Hands on you, your arms pulled tight behind your back.  Fingers tangled in your hair, wrenching your head back.  You were pushed out of the room, your feet stumbling as you tried to struggle.

The stairs loomed in front of you and you knew what was going to happen.  Hands in the middle of your back, a hard shove sending you flying.  Your body missed the first few stairs as you were airborne, but when you hit, you hit hard.  Each stair seemed to crash into you, your body flopping uselessly like a rag doll as you rolled, your body out of your control.  Your arms came up to cover your head, but it smacked against one of the stairs, sending you reeling.

Sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, the pain was excruciating.  You struggled to breathe, your ribs busted.  Everything hurt to the point your body was shutting down, sending you into oblivion.  As you began to drift off you heard the running feet and the grunts, your scattered brain cells not registering what it meant.  It was only when he knelt over you, his face pale and eyes worried that you realized what had happened.

"Jesus!  What did they do to you?  Hold on, okay?  Just hold my hand.  Help is on the way."

You struggled to smile, wanting him not to worry.

"Lee Jaehwan...," you whispered, your fingers tightening around his before falling limp, your body no longer able to function.

PRESENT TIME:

You struggled from the nightmare, your body flailing as you sat up, kicking off the blankets that had tangled around you.  Scrubbing your hands over your face, you glanced over at the clock on the bedside table, wincing when you saw the time.  There was no way you could sleep now, the nightmare still fresh in your memory.  You hadn't thought about that in awhile, therapy and time helping to get you past it.  For whatever reason it had come back, haunting your dreams.

Pushing to your feet, you stumbled into the bathroom, needing to wash away the memories.  Stripping off your sweat-drenched clothes, you turned on the shower and stepped under the spray without waiting for the water to warm up.  The cold sent shivers down your spine, but it woke you up.

Washing up quickly, you got out and dressed again.  It was 3 am and you weren't supposed to be awake for another four hours.  Exhaustion rode heavy on you, wearing you down.  This was the sixth time in less than two weeks that you'd been woken up, your nightmares chasing you into reality.  You were twenty-five years old.  Successful to a certain extent and not that timid little girl anymore.  But for whatever reason your subconscious wasn't letting this go.

You went into the kitchen to brew some tea.  You needed something to bring you warmth and comfort.  Anything to get your mind off what had woken you up.  You were thankful you had plans to go out dancing that night with friends.  It was a great stress reliever and if you exhausted yourself enough to sleep without dreams, all the better.

That night after work, you hurried home and got dressed, wearing your favorite outfit.  Black pants, black tank, black, sheer, long-sleeved blouse and your favorite boots.  You never dressed to impress.  You dressed to be comfortable and to be able to dance your ass off.  If there was one thing you loved to do, it was dance.  The freedom music gave you was something you couldn't explain.

You met your friends at your favorite club, music already at a deafening level.  You found a table and were out on the dance floor first, the music taking you over.  You wanted to lose yourself to the moment and you did.  The bass felt like it was coming up through your toes, vibrating through your chest.

You hadn't been there long, maybe an hour, when something made you pause, your body freezing in place.  You looked up, glancing around to see what had disturbed your zen.  You saw the entourage first, the two huge men all in black, their muscles bigger than their heads.  Celebrities weren't unusual for the club you were at, since it was close to the entertainment district.  You weren't there for them, but for some reason you couldn't look away.

When you saw him, you could feel the blood leeching from your face, memories piling up on you.  Lee Jaehwan, or Ken as he was known now.  You hadn't seen him since he'd rescued you, but you could never forget that face.  When he'd debuted with VIXX you'd followed him, your deep-seated crush always there.  He'd grown into his face and his voice was one of the most beautiful voices you'd ever heard.  But you weren't sure you wanted to face him there, not then.  Not ever if you were being completely honest.  He disappeared with his entourage to the VIP section of the club and you let out a deep sigh of relief, your body almost faint with it.  You'd escaped having to face your past and you were thankful.

The music changed into something with a deeper, heavier beat.  You began to dance in earnest, needing to disappear into the beat again.  Losing all track of time, the music the only thing you registered.  Your friends came and went, drifting off to get drinks and rest their aching feet, but not you.  You didn't even feel your body anymore.  Any aches and pains you had would be felt in the morning when you woke up.

Your eyes had drifted closed a long time ago and when you felt the hands resting low on your hips, they flew open, your body freezing in shock.  You glanced over your shoulder, gulping when you saw Jaehwan's face so close to you, his eyes warm and shining.  There was nothing you could do, letting the song take you over again.  The fact that it was you he'd chosen to dance with completely escaped you, your only thought escaping as soon as the music changed.

But something happened.  His hands were warm on your skin through your clothes, strong and long fingered.  His body was pressed tight against your back and his breath was hot on your neck as your bodies moved in unison.  There was something about him that made you feel safe, which you never felt around men.  Ever.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his lips against your ear.  Shivers went down your spine, your nipples tightening.

You shook your head and started to pull away, but his hands slid around to your stomach and pressed you tighter against him.  You could feel his hard cock against your ass, which would normally make you run away.  Far, far away.  But for some reason you didn't feel that way.  Instead, your hips rolled, pressing you up against him.  For the life of you, you couldn't figure out why you were doing this.  At the same time, you didn't want to stop.

He got you turned around so you were facing him, his hands sliding down your back to the curves of your ass.  Your arms were around his neck, your bodies pressed together from chest to pelvis.  Your hips rocked side to side, your bodies moving in perfect sync.

When his head dipped down and his lips tasted yours, your mouth opened for him.  His tongue slid inside your mouth, his taste minty fresh and pleasing to your senses.  You were so tired of always feeling like you were worthless.  You wanted to feel sexy and desired and he was more than providing that for you.

"Take me home," he grunted as he pulled back, his forehead resting against yours.  You nodded, taking him by the hand and leading him out of the club, your friends left forgotten.  Once in the cab, you were all over each other, your body draped over his lap, your mouths fused together.  The cabbie had to be getting an eyeful, but you didn't care.  Your body was one fire and Jaehwan was the only one who could quench it.

Back at your apartment you stumbled up the stairs, your bodies more interested in each other than getting up the stairs safely.  You got the door to your apartment open and got inside, only to be pressed up against the door, his heavy thigh between yours as his lips brushed over your neck, your shirt sliding down your arms to fall to the floor.  Hands cupped your breasts, thumbs flicking over your fabric covered nipples, bringing them to hard points.  Your hands rested on his shoulders, your body feeling boneless as he pressed his thigh against you, rubbing you through your pants.

It had been so long since you'd been intimate with anyone, so much stimulation almost too much for your senses to handle.  Your tank was pulled over your head and your bra was loose in seconds, dragged down your arms to land on the floor at your feet.  Feeling his warm hands cupping your breasts made you moan, the softness of his skin almost soothing.

Urgency kicked in, your hands pulling at the t-shirt tucked into his jeans, your hands running over the skin of his back.  You felt him grunt as you reached around to the front, your fingers brushing over the fly of his jeans.  His hard cock against your fingers as you cupped him through his jeans, your teeth biting into your lower lip at what you felt there.  He wasn't small and it sent a sense of fear through you.  You hadn't been intimate with too many men in your lifetime and though you knew he'd fit, you knew it would be tight.

When his teeth nipped your collarbone, you lost all sense of thought, your focus on his mouth on you.  Those plush, full lips, with the slightly wonky smile that used to make your stomach flutter all those years ago.  That he was there, with you, was surreal.

"What's your name," you heard whispered as he lifted his head, his tongue brushing over the shell of your ear.

Any and all thoughts of sex were gone, your attraction shut off like it had never happened.  Pulling back you reached down and grabbed the first piece of clothing your fingers brushed against.  You pulled the tank over your head and stared at him, not even knowing what to say.  If you had known he didn't know who you were, you never would have let it go this far.  That he had no idea who you were hurt.  It hurt more than you could have thought possible.

"I'm sorry.  I would really like it if you left now."

Jaehwan stared at you, his mouth slack with shock.

"I...I'm sorry!  Did I do something to hurt you?"

You shook your head, turning to pull the door open.

"Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.  Just go...please."

He stood there staring at you for what seemed like an eternity, before shaking his head and walking out.  You shut the door gently behind him and slid down the door, the tears escaping no matter how much you wished they wouldn't.  You were humiliated, pure and simple.  How could he not know who you were?  It wasn't like you'd changed all that much.  Yes, ten years had passed, but you still looked the same.

You hadn't been friends in school, but you'd shared classes and he had rescued you that fateful day.  The fact that he didn't know who you were made you feel like you were invisible.  It wasn't a pleasant feeling to have.  You were crying over a man, something you'd sworn you wouldn't do again.  Pride made you swipe your hands over your face as you stumbled to your feet.  Crying wouldn't do anything to fix this problem.  Kicking him out hadn't helped you out either, leftover attraction and hormones riding you hard.

If only you'd let him stay, he would be inside you now.  But you'd never stoop that low, allowing sex to override your common sense.  You were too smart for that.

In the bathroom you splashed cold water over your face, needing to wash away any hint of the tears you'd shed.  You were stronger than this.  You'd survived much worse.  You were a survivor in any and all sense.  That this was the hardest thing you'd ever done didn't escape you, that long ago crush weighing you down.

Over the next few days you functioned, your body going through its usual routine of eating, sleeping and working, but you were only there in body.  Your spirit wasn't there, your thoughts revolving constantly over that night.  You could still taste Jaehwan on your tongue and it made you hungry for more.  But you knew any chances of anything ever happening were nil.

Your phone buzzing at you with an unknown number wasn't something you were expecting.  When you answered the call, the phone pressed to your ear, hearing Jaehwan's voice on the other end had you fumbling, dropping the phone into your lap.  You swore under your breath as you got the phone back to your ear.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry.  I know this is unusual, but I got your number and wanted to call you."

"How did you get my number," you asked, since you definitely hadn't given it to him.

"Um...I called your landlord and maybe fibbed a little."

"A little?"

"Okay, a lot.  But I had to call you and apologize.  The way the other night ended has bugged me and I felt like I needed to say I'm sorry.  I don't know what I did to upset you, but I am truly sorry.  I know you won't believe me, but you're the first girl I've ever done that with.  I don't usually leave the club with anyone...ever."

You scoffed, not able to believe that someone like him had never taken a woman home.  It just went against every hot guy thing you'd ever heard.  But the sincerity of his voice was obvious even through the phone.  You couldn't hold it against him.  It wasn't his fault he was blind and hadn't recognized you.  Sucking it up, you gave him another chance.

"I accept your apology.  I do.  And I'm sorry for the way I basically kicked you out.  I'm not a bitch, I promise.  Things just...went too fast for me."

"I understand.  I do.  So, I was wondering, will you give me another chance?  Something simple, like coffee or a meal?  I'd really like to talk to you face-to-face."

You found yourself agreeing, setting up a date for the next day.  When you hung up, you stared blankly at the phone in your hand completely flabbergasted at the turn of events.  That he had lied to your landlord in order to apologize was a little weird, but this was Lee Jaehwan.  The man who was more random than anyone you'd ever met in your life.  You wouldn't put anything past him and your curiosity was high.  So was your anticipation.

For the date you put thought into your ensemble, dressing in something soft and feminine.  You felt like a woman for the first time in forever and the fact that it was Jaehwan who made you feel this way just made it all the sweeter.  You'd agreed to meet at a small coffee shop and when you went inside, you found he hadn't arrived yet.  You ordered tea and found a small booth hidden in the back.  Sitting down facing the door, you waited for him to arrive.

He did with little fanfare, a dark hoodie pulled up over his head.  He placed his order and when you gave him a wave, he came over, scooting into the booth across from you.  He slid off his sunglasses and smiled at you, his slightly wonky smile endearing and sweet.

"Thank you for being here."

You dipped your head in acknowledgment, but had no idea what to say or do.  Nerves were kicking in and you were afraid you would make an ass of yourself.  You kept your mouth shut, sipping your tea and avoiding eye contact with him.  His hand over yours where it cradled the mug brought your attention back to him.  You glanced down at his his hand over yours, your teeth biting into your lower lip.

"Are you nervous," he asked, his voice low and husky.  You nodded, unable to speak.  His thumb brushed over the back of your hand, sending goosebumps up your arm.  "Don't be."

"I can't help it," you whispered, your voice scratchy with nerves.

"Do I make you nervous or does the situation make you nervous?  Because if I make you nervous, I hope it's in a good way.  Because you definitely make me nervous."

You sighed, feeling it was time to come clean.

"Do you really not know who I am," you asked, pulling your hand free.  He stared at you, his expression completely blank.  You could tell the question made no sense to him.

"What do you mean?  Should I?"

You shook your head, the absurdity of it all making you want to laugh.

"I haven't changed that much, Jaehwan.  Think back.  Quiet, shy, a target...you saved me after I'd been shoved down a flight of stairs."

His eyes widened, his mouth dropping open with shock.  You waited for the disgust to appear, but when he smiled and reached over to grasp your hands, you were taken aback.

"Oh, my God!  I can't believe it!"

"Well, believe it," you said, trying to pull your hands free.  He wouldn't let go, his hands tightening on yours.

"Why didn't you tell me who you were the other night?  I'm sorry I didn't recognize you right away.  My memory for faces is terrible and it's been ten years.  But you should have said something instead of acting like I had the plague."

"I'm sorry, okay?!  I'm sorry I kicked you out, but honestly, it hurt that you didn't recognize me.  You rescued me, for God's sake.  If that doesn't create some type of bond, I don't know what does!"

"I'm sorry!  I really and truly am!  Now I feel like shit that I made you feel that way.  And I've always wanted to tell you I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner back then.  I wish I had."

You shook your head, discomforted that he was bringing up that dreaded subject.  You wanted, no needed, to move on.  Move past that horrible day.  Jaehwan being there, with you, was a chance at a new beginning.  But you were going to take it slow.  You needed to get to know Jaehwan as a man, as the person he was now, not the boy you'd fallen for all those years ago.

"Please don't talk about that time.  Please.  I just want to move past it.  I'm glad we're here together and I hope we can get to know each other as the people we are now."

The smile that came over his face was almost blinding, his happiness almost contagious.

"Excellent!"

With that, it was like the black fugue that had been hovering over you disappeared.  The conversation and laughter flowed, your comfort level in his presence astonishing.  You'd never felt so comfortable around a man who wasn't a relative.  That he had you in stitches as he told stories about his life as an idol didn't hurt.  You'd never met anyone who could make you laugh like he could.

You struggled to breathe, your arms wrapped around your middle as he finished a story concerning Wonsik and missing pair of socks that wouldn't have been anywhere near as funny told by someone else.

"Stop!  Please!  My tummy hurts and I blame it all on you."

He laughed and shook his head, a slight blush covering his cheeks.  That he was so shy made his natural humor all the more endearing.  All you wanted to do was squish his cheeks, just to watch him smile.  

"Ha!  I'm not funny.  You're just charmed by my sexy side.  Don't lie."

You burst out into giggles again and waved a hand at him.

"Oh, yes, your stories are so sexy!"

He snorted and the laughter rang out.  Tears poured down your cheeks, but they were good tears.  You hadn't laughed so hard in ages and it felt cathartic.  Jaehwan glanced down at his watch, a frown coming to his lips.

"I've got to go.  I wish I didn't have to leave, but we've got a schedule tomorrow and I need to get a little bit of sleep.  Please tell me we can do this again?"

You nodded with a smile.  Standing up, he reached out a hand, helping you out of the booth.  He pulled the hood up with his other hand and pulled you with him as he walked out of the cafe.  He stopped just outside, moving away from the door and smiled at you.  He pulled you in for a hug, his arms wrapped around your waist as he snugged you up against him.  Your head rested against his chest just under his chin and you let out a sigh.  It felt so good; too good.

He pulled away, and after telling you he'd text you, he walked away, turning at the end of the block to wave at you.  You waved back and walked home, your body tingling from his hug.  The fact that you had a chance at another date with Jaehwan gave you a thrill.  Something you hoped you could pursue.  Now that you were getting to know him, the crush you'd had back in high school paled in comparison to what you could feel for him now.  And the thought didn't scare you anywhere near as much as you thought it should.

Over the next few weeks you met as often as his crazy schedule and your job allowed, usually on the weekends or in the later evening.  Each time you met you were getting closer.  You still felt comfortable around him, but the attraction you'd felt that night at the club was never far from your mind.  You'd only had sex with two men in your lifetime, both long-term boyfriends.  And though they hadn't been bad in bed, there had never been that intense attraction with them like there was with Jaehwan.

You'd always been a vanilla-sex kind of person, your inability to truly trust people making it hard to let go and really enjoy sex.  You'd orgasmed, but only at your own hands.  As attracted to Jaehwan as you already were, you had a feeling sex with him might actually be an amazing experience, if you could get past the fact that he wasn't small.  You were intimidated, plain and simple.

Thank God Jaehwan seemed to understand that, never pressuring you for more than a hard hug or a brief kiss, his every action gentlemanly and compassionate.  He was a better man than most, his patience more than you could ever ask for.

It all came to a head three months after your first date.  You had made the decision first thing that morning that you were going to do it.  You were going to have sex with him.  You even bought a pack of condoms on the way from work, determined that you were going to follow through.  You texted and asked him if he was free.  When he said he was, you asked him over.

By the time he got there you were a nervous wreck, your hands sweating and your body trembling.  As much as you liked him, the thought of him seeing you naked was terrifying.  What if he took one look at you and left?  You had scars, the fall down the stairs doing more damage than initially thought.  You'd had surgeries to repair the damage and those scars were rather prominent.  That you weren't in perfect shape was there to smack you in the face every time you took a shower, the little pooch to your stomach a constant reminder that you didn't work out as much as you should.  It still boggled your mind that Jaehwan was even interested in you.

He arrived and pulled you into a loose hug, before pulling away to flop down on the couch.  You knew what he thought you would do.  You usually spent your evenings watching dramas or movies, but not tonight.  Taking a deep breath to psych yourself up, you walked over to him, straddling his lap.  His hands came to rest on your hips, his eyes wide with shock.

"What are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious," you asked, leaning down to kiss him.  He didn't respond to the kiss right away, his hands holding tight to your hips as you brushed soft kisses over his lips.  When he pulled his head away and frowned at you, you sat back with a sigh, your weight on his thighs.

"No, I mean what the hell are you doing?  Don't get me wrong, I want to make love to you like I want my next breath, but are you ready for that?"

You had to smile at the concern you could see on his face and hear in his voice.  That he cared made your heart melt.

"I want you to make love to me, Jaehwan."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure.  If you ask me again, I'm going to have to smack you."

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure."

With those words, things changed.  One of his hands lifted from your hip to come up to cup your face, his thumb brushing over your lower lip.  His eye contact was direct and he wouldn't let you look down, his hand sliding to the back of your head to keep you from looking away.  You watched as he leaned forward, his lips brushing gently against yours.  Your eyes drifted shut as he deepened the kiss, his tongue brushing over your lips.

His hand dropped from your head to go back to your hip.  He began to thrust up against you, his hard cock pressed tight to you.  Your hips rolled automatically, a deep groan coming from both your lips.  He felt so good against you, better than you expected.  You wanted him, more than you wanted anything else.

His hands slid up under your shirt, reaching for the back clasp of your bra, unsnapping it with deft fingers.  Pulling back from the kiss he pulled your shirt over your head, the bra not far behind.  His eyes were reverent as he looked down at you, his hands coming up to cup your breasts.  You let out a long sigh, enjoying the sensation of his warm hands on your skin.  But your insecurities were rearing their ugly head, making you want to cover up.

Instead, you leaned forward to kiss him again, determined to move past this.  His fingers tweaking your nipples helped you forget anything but that feeling.  He used just the right amount of pressure, hard enough to cause a slight sting, but not enough to actually hurt.  Your tongue slipped between his lips, that alluring minty taste there for you to savor.  It might have just been his toothpaste, but to you it was Jaehwan's unique flavor.

You found yourself on your back on your bed, no memory of how you got there, Jaehwan's presence completely overwhelming your senses.  He knelt over your legs, his legs braced on either side of yours.  He stripped off his shirt and you let out a long sigh of appreciation.  He wasn't ripped, but he was solid, the breadth of his shoulders no joke.

He leaned back down to kiss you, his fingers coming to the snap of your jeans.  The sound of the zippering lowering filled the room and you froze.  Jaehwan pulled back from the kiss and looked down at you, his fingers stopping their movement.

"You okay?"

You nodded, your hand coming down to cover his.  You helped him lower the zipper all the way, lifting your hips as he pulled your jeans and panties down your legs.  He stood up and pulled them over your feet, tossing them aside.  Lifting your foot, he pressed a kiss to the arch before doing the same to the other foot.  Your toes curled, but it made you smile.

"Come here," you whispered, lifting your arms towards him.  With a smile he was back, his weight heavy but not unpleasant on you, his weight braced on his forearms.  He brushed the hair away from your face, his eyes focused on you.  You looked up at him, wondering why he hadn't kissed you again.  Your nerves were still there and you needed him to distract you.  When he made no move to kiss you, you reached up and pulled him down so you could kiss him.  You felt his lips curve in a smile before you lost yourself in the kiss.

Everything was going well, your bodies entwined as you continued to kiss, your hands roaming freely as you learned each others bodies.  It was only when you were both naked that the panic started clawing its way up your spine.  He was between your legs, pressing kisses to your thighs when you pushed away, rolling off the bed and running into the bathroom.  You slammed the door shut and stumbled to the sink, splashing water over your face as you tried to catch your breath.

You hadn't had a panic attack in years, but you were getting one now.  Everything felt tight, your lungs struggling to take in a deep breath as your heart beat so hard it felt like it would come through your chest.  Rubbing a hand over your heart, you lifted your other hand to press it to your mouth, wishing you could curl up and die.  You'd never been so embarrassed in your life.

There was a knock at the door and Jaehwan stepped in, his jeans pulled on but left unbuttoned.  You made eye contact with him in the mirror, your eyes wide and panic-stricken.  Jaehwan came over to you, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist and pulling him to you.

"Baby, are you okay?"

You shook your head, not able to articulate what the trouble was.  Thankfully he seemed to figure it out, his hand coming up to cover yours as it rubbed over your chest.

"Take a deep breath.  Deep breath in and then let it out.  Do it for me."

Keeping eye contact with him in the mirror, you did as he said.  He breathed deep with you, his exhalations on your skin sending goosebumps over your skin.  You could feel the panic receding as you continued to breathe deep, the eye contact with him helping keep you centered.  When you felt you had yourself under control, you pulled away from him and wrapped your arms over your chest, embarrassment kicking in and turning your cheeks hot.

"I'm so sorry, Jaehwan.  That's not how I wanted this night to go."

"I know.  Can I ask a serious question?  And I'm being sincere."

You nodded, not wanting to see his face as he spoke.  You turned your back on him, your head drooping low as you waited.

"Are you afraid of me?  Have I done something to scare you?"

The question shocked you so bad your hands dropped to your sides as you turned to him, your head shaking an emphatic no.

"God, no!  Oh, Jaehwan, I'm so sorry!  No, don't ever think that.  God, this is so humiliating!"

Jaehwan stepped forward, his arms coming around you to pull you close.  Your arms automatically going around his waist.

"Thank God!  Will you please tell me what is going on then?  You scared me just now."

"God, I don't know how to explain this to you without sounding like a complete imbecile."

"Try me."

"I don't want you to see me naked, okay?  I hate my body.  I hate the idea of you seeing all of my imperfections.  And I don't have a ton of experience.  I've only had sex with two people in my life.  It was always in the dark because I couldn't handle the idea of them seeing me."

Jaehwan's arms tightened around you, before he pulled back so he could look you in the face.

"And if I told you there was nothing wrong with your body and that I thought you were the sexiest woman I've ever seen?"

"I'd call bullshit."

He smirked, his eyebrow coming up at the tone of your voice.  Without saying a word his hands went to your butt and lifted you up, setting you down on the vanity.  The best part about your apartment was the bathroom, mirrors on just about every surface with a huge walk-in shower and a tub that would fit two comfortably.  It was one of the main reasons why you'd rented it.  But that wasn't on your mind when you realized you could see yourself very clearly at all angles.  Now you wanted to curse all of those mirrors, your flaws there for you both to  see.

Jaehwan stepped between your legs, his body snug up against yours.  His hands cupped your face and he brushed a kiss over the tip of your nose.

"I'm going to prove to you just how beautiful you are to me.  I don't want to hear you say how ugly you think you are.  I want you to see what I see."

Your eyebrow cocked up, but you didn't say anything.  Your curiosity was piqued and you wanted to see how he saw you.

"Stay put."

He left you there, your naked ass cold on the vanity.  He went out and came back with a dining room chair, which he set down right in front of you.  He sat down and scooted forward, his hands coming to rest on your thighs.  You knew where this was headed and didn't know if you could survive it.  With gentle pressure he parted your legs, scooting forward until his knees hit the edge of the vanity.

"Put your feet on my knees, baby," he whispered, his hands on the insides of your thighs.  Biting your lip you complied, your feet resting on his knees.  He scooted you forward under your ass was hanging slightly off the edge of the counter, your legs spreading open farther.  He pressed a kiss to the inside of your thigh and smiled up at you.

"I want you to watch as I eat you out.  I want you to see your body through my eyes.  Don't close your eyes."

You nodded and watched as he leaned forward, his fingers brushing over the lips of your pussy.  His tongue brushed lightly over your clit, sending a quiver through you.  Your head tilted back against the mirror behind you, but you followed his instructions, your eyes struggling to stay open.  You saw the reflection of his back as he began to lick your clit with purpose.  The sight of his dark hair between your thighs made you moan, your hands coming down to rest on top of his head.

There was no doubt in your mind he knew exactly what he was doing, his every move specifically there for your pleasure.  His lips, his tongue, his fingers were all used with expertise, playing your body like the finest instrument.  The orgasm was there, in the distance, but it was there.  You'd never come for anyone before and your body wanted to fight it, embarrassment riding you hard.  But you forgot to feel it when his fingers slipped inside you, filling you.  Each glide in and out made your thighs quiver as you struggled to keep your eyes open.

The flush that covered your skin, the way your lips parted as you gasped for breath, the way your breasts heaved as you writhed under his ministrations was all there right in front of you.  There was no escaping the fact that you could see it all.  And you realized in that moment that you were beautiful in his eyes.  If what he saw was what you saw, there was a beauty there.

The orgasm struck, your body arching up to his mouth, your legs trembling as you writhed against him, your hands tight in his hair.  You collapsed, gasping, your hands falling from his head as your eyes finally closed.  Jaehwan pressed a kiss to the inside of both thighs, his fingers sliding from your body, causing you to twitch as aftershocks fluttered through you.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered, his hands sliding up and down your legs.  You opened your eyes and looked down to see him looking at you, his lips shiny with your juices.  When he pulled you towards him, you went willingly, your arms wrapping around his shoulders.  Your lips met in a kiss that was sweet, but full of promise, the taste of you on his tongue.

"Condoms," he muttered against your lips, shifting you so he could pull his jeans down enough to free himself.  You reached back and opened the drawer, pulling out the box you'd purchased earlier.  Within seconds you'd ripped open the package and had his cock sheathed.  When his cock slid inside you, you both let out long, deep moans.  He filled you to perfection, his cock hard and thick.  His hands were on your hips, pulling you down until he'd bottomed out.

You stayed that way for a moment, your kisses languid and sweet.  When he began to thrust, his hands pulled you down to meet each one.  Exhalations, soft moans, throaty cries filled the room, his every move making you feel cherished and sexy.  His cock sliding in and out of you, his hands roaming over your back as he continued his kisses, bringing you more pleasure than you could have ever imagined.

You felt the way your inner muscles fluttered and realized another orgasm was imminent.  You let out a gasp, your head falling back as you reached for it.  You rode him hard, your hands clenched on his shoulders as you rolled your hips.  You heard him grunt before his teeth closed over that sensitive juncture where neck and shoulder met.  The slight sting sent you over, a long moan escaping your lips as you rode it out.  You felt him join you, his hips jerking as he came.

Collapsing against him, your head rested on his shoulder as you gasped for breath, your body trembling.  Jaehwan's hand roamed up and down your back, the touch gentle as he calmed you.  As you cuddled you realized that you'd reached a turning point.  You weren't miraculously healed, but as he lifted you off him and discarded the condom, only to wrap you up in his arms and carry you into the bedroom, you knew you were on your way to becoming the woman you'd always wanted to be.

Jaehwan pulled the blankets over you and snuggled you close to his chest, pressing kisses to your shoulder as you relaxed against him.

"Thank you," you said, picking up his hand and entwining your fingers.  He pulled you closer and leaned up so he could make eye contact with you.

"Thank you for what?"

"For being there for me when I needed you most.  Not just now, but then too.  You saved me."

He shook his head as he leaned down to press a kiss to your cheek.

"No, baby, you saved yourself.  I just happened to be there."