Wreck Me Part Two (VIXX Ravi)

All righty!  Here is part two.  I'd planned to have it up this weekend, but I got hit with a stupid bug and spent most of the weekend curled up in a ball feeling sorry for myself.

Can I just say I find it adorable how everyone seems to think Ravi's soulmate is Hongbin?  Because I don't remember saying it was going to be him.  In fact...I don't remember saying anything about his soulmate being a member of VIXX!  *gasps*

I don't normally write flashbacks since I find them to be a rather obnoxious trope.  BUT, in this instance, I felt it had to be done to give you an idea of why Wonsik wasn't thrilled to see his soulmate's name on his wrist. 

That being said, his soulmate WILL be revealed at the end.  And let me just say, if y'all aren't shocked, I cry.  I hope you like this one.  Welcome to the madness.  :)

THIRTEEN YEARS AGO:

“Hey!”

He looked up from his copy of Dostoyevesky’s Crime and Punishment, shoving his glasses up his nose for the umpteenth time.  He startled when he saw Kim Wonsik staring down at him.

“Yes?”

“You’re good at English, right?”

“I have a 4.85 GPA, so yes, I’m good at English.  Why?”

Wonsik flopped down on the chair next to his and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m failing and if my parents find out, they’re going to kill me.”

“So you would like me to tutor you?”

“Well…yeah.”

He scratched his head and let out a sigh.

“Fine, but I can only give you so much of my time.  I have Wednesday at 7:45 pm free and I can give you an hour.”

“Great!  Excellent!  Where can we meet?”

“Have you ever been to “The Right Stuff?”

“That coffee shop all the nerds go to?”

He looked at Wonsik, eyebrow cocked up as if to say “Really?”before nodding.

“Okay, good, yeah, I’ll see you Wednesday at 7:45.  Thanks, man, I really appreciate you doing this.”

Before he could respond Wonsik had gotten up and hurried away.  With a sigh, he turned back to his book, pushing his glasses up again.  He was not looking forward to this.

Wednesday night he was at “The Right Stuff” long before their meeting time.  He finished up his homework and was working on some writing he did for pleasure when Wonsik made his appearance.  Breathless and sweating, he slid into the seat across from him. 

“Sorry I’m late!  Got stuck in a game of hoops.  But, I’m ready to learn!  Teach me, sensei.”

“First of all, sensei is Japanese.  Secondly, I told you I could give you an hour and you’re ten minutes late.”

“Yeah, yeah, semantics.  I’m here now.  So…teach me!”

He let out a sigh, but motioned for Wonsik to pull out his book.  

“Tell me where you’re stuck and we can go from there.”

The lesson passed quickly and a lot less painfully than he’d been expecting.  Once Wonsik focused, he was a quick study and by the end, had grasped the basics.  By the end of the hour, he found himself enjoying his time with Wonsik, surprising him more than anything.  

At 8:45 on the dot he stood up, stuffing his books into his bag.  Wonsik looked up from his paperwork, mouth agape.

“You’re leaving?”

“I could only give you an hour, remember?”

“But…but, I’m finally grasping this shit!  I need your help!”

He sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose.

“I have to go.”

Wonsik let out a grunt and stood up to gather his own belongings.  The dejected look on his face made him feel bad and he did the one thing he’d promised himself he wouldn’t do.  He broke down.

“I can give you Wednesdays at 7:45…just until you get your grade up.”

The grin that crossed Wonsik’s lips took his breath away.  It lit up his face, making his eyes crinkle up; straight white teeth and those plush pink lips.  He could feel his heart rate going up, a slightly breathless sensation in his chest.  He had to look away, down to the books in his hands.  He was developing a crush and it sucked. 

Instead of waiting around or saying goodbye, he just hiked his bag over his shoulder and left, his thoughts filling his head in a jumbled mess.  It wasn’t like he’d never noticed Wonsik before.  It was kind of hard not to, since the boy was popular.  They had three classes together and for the most part, he didn’t notice Wonsik that much since he was immersed in his studies.  But on those rare moments when he would look up from his schoolwork, he could see Wonsik surrounded by other students, that goofy deep laugh of his filling up the classroom.

And now he was tutoring him; the underclassman who’d been pushed up a year because of his smarts was tutoring the most popular sophomore in the school.  Fate had a plan for him it seemed and it was one he had no interest in.  All he wanted to do was graduate from high school, go on to college and be done with it all by the time he was nineteen.  He had plans, damn it!

Over the next few weeks they would meet up at 7:45 on the dot every Wednesday, Wonsik never showing up late after their first meeting.  The first few tutoring sessions were focused specifically on Wonsik’s work and the things he needed improvement on.  But as time progressed and they got more comfortable in each others company, they relaxed.  

Jokes and laughter now filled the air rather than schoolwork.  He studied Wonsik during this time, the way he’d always smack his arm, the way he’d tussle with him like he was something special to him and it made him want.  He had always known he was gay; had always been attracted to boys over girls and he really, really liked Wonsik.  A lot.  And it terrified him, because even though he wasn’t in the closet, his sexual orientation wasn’t broadcasted all over the school either.  

He knew nothing would ever come of it, since he was a lot younger, shy, quiet, studious…basically the exact opposite of Kim Wonsik.  He wasn’t even sure what term to use to describe their relationship.  He knew he had a crush on him.  Knew he wanted to kiss him to see if his lips were as soft as they looked.  But when it came to doing something like confessing, all he wanted to do was run in the opposite direction.

After four months of tutoring, Wonsik’s grade had improved enough that he technically didn’t need tutoring anymore, but the topic was never brought up.  Instead they would still meet every Wednesday at the same café, their conversations not focused on school at all, but on more personal things.  

“Have you ever liked someone?”

Wonsik looked up from his vanilla frap with a frown.

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m just curious.”

“Yeah, I’ve liked someone.”

“Ah.”

“Why do you ask though?  Do you like someone?”

“Maybe.  I haven’t quite decided yet.”

Wonsik snorted and pushed his cup aside.

“Liking someone isn’t something you decide on, you know.  It just happens.”

“That’s the way it is now, but what about once we turn eighteen and Fate decides for us?  I don’t want to get some random person’s name on my wrist, you know?  I want to genuinely love them.”

“You don’t get your tattoo at eighteen, genius.  It’s only once you meet your soulmate that the tattoo shows up.  Didn’t you learn anything in health class?  Or am I the genius for once and know something you don’t?”

He rolled his eyes and reached out to smack Wonsik’s arm lightly.

“Shut up!  I’m serious though!  It doesn’t seem fair that Fate chooses our future partner for us.  Why not just leave it up to us and let us choose?”

“We still can.”

“Yeah, but if you reject your soulmate, you’ll never have another chance.  I don’t know about you, but that sucks.  It’s sad.”

Wonsik sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“It does suck, but my parents are soulmates and they love each other so much it’s honestly kind of nauseating.  Sure there are unhappy matches out there, but for the most part, it’s a good thing.  I can’t wait to meet mine, if I’m being honest.”

“But what if you’ve already met them?  You won’t know for another year.”

Wonsik shrugged.

“If we’re meant to be, we’re meant to be. That’s how I have to look at it.”

“What if the name on your wrist is someone you hate?  Or, you know, the sex you’re not interested in?”

“What?  Like, if a dude’s name was tattooed on my wrist?  Jesus, I hope not!”

It was hard to breathe as he listened to the words that spilled from Wonsik’s mouth.  Any thoughts of confessing flew out the window as he stared at him, his heart aching.  If Wonsik didn’t like men, he wasn’t going to force his feelings on him.  Instead, he forced a smile to his lips and let Wonsik change the subject, not wanting to think much at the moment.

When he said good night and trudged home, it was to an empty house.  His father was working overseas and his mother was busy with friends, leaving him all alone.  And on a night like this, it was exactly what he needed.  He kicked off his shoes and dragged his sorry butt up to his room, dumping his bag on the floor next to his desk.  Flopping down on the chair, he pulled out his old tattered journal and his favorite pen, before flipping it open to a blank page and starting to write.

The words from pen to paper flowed like water.  He’d never had a problem expressing himself via writing, but this time it was like a dam had cracked and the water was sluicing through him outside of his control.  He sniffled, lifting a hand to wipe the back of it over his nose.  He was crying like an idiot and it hurt.  It hurt so much and it was all his doing.  If only he hadn’t allowed himself to feel for Wonsik, he wouldn’t be in this situation.  

He didn’t want to lose the friendship that he’d come to cherish.  It sucked that he also had feelings deeper than friendship for Wonsik, but he’d learn to ignore them.  It just didn’t seem fair that the one guy he finally allowed himself to like wouldn’t or couldn’t like him back.  

He sat back and looked down at the words on the paper in front of him, frowning when he realized just how personal the words were.  Unrequited love hurt.  He didn’t want to feel like this anymore.  He wished he could go back in time and erase all that had happened so he could go back to his normal, geeky life.  Instead, here he was at the tender age of fifteen totally wrecked with feels and it sucked.  

Summer vacation came faster than he expected and when he walked out of school, it was with a sense of relief.  He couldn’t wait to get past school and get on with his life.  His relationship with Wonsik was still there, still a friendship, but he had to admit that there was an awkwardness there that hadn’t been there before.  Once they’d had that relationship conversation, he’d done his best to pull back and not let his feelings take over.  Unfortunately for him, Wonsik was still the same: affectionate, funny and way too cute for his own good.  It was terrible on his mental well-being.

He spent the summer interning at a local radio station, learning the ropes.  He’d always been fascinated by music and had aspirations to get into music once he got out of school.  The internship was a stepping stone to much bigger dreams.  He still hung out with Wonsik, just not as often.  The respite was good for him, allowing him to take a step back and take a look at not only himself, but his relationship with Wonsik.  It helped that he met someone new who made him smile.  That the other person also liked boys helped a lot, especially when they confessed on a hot summer night.  The kiss they shared made his toes curl and he felt like he could finally move forward.

His junior year started like every year did, except this time he had a boyfriend.  He saw Wonsik standing near the front entrance and when Wonsik saw him, he greeted him with a smile.

“Hey, stranger!  I haven’t seen you in almost a month!  How’s it going?”

“Um…it’s good.  Yeah, sorry I disappeared like that.  I…”

They were interrupted by his boyfriend, who sauntered over and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“Hey, babe, you ready to go?  Class is getting ready to start.”

He could feel the blush going up his cheeks as he glanced at Wonsik through his lashes.  The expression on Wonsik’s face would have been comical if it hadn’t been aimed at the two of them.

“You’re…gay?”

“Uh…yeah, I am.  Is that a problem?”

“You’re gay…holy shit, why didn’t you say anything?  If you had…”

“What?  You wouldn’t have hung out with me?  Afraid it’d be catching?”

Wonsik kept silent, his mouth working, but no words coming out.

“Babe, let’s go.”

He shook his head and turned his back on Wonsik.  He looked down at his boyfriend and smiled.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.  What was his problem?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

They walked to class and he did his best to ignore the churning in his stomach.  It hurt; the fact that Wonsik seemed to be disgusted by his sexual orientation and that he seemed to resent him for being friends with him.  He wanted to pull out his hair and scream in frustration.  Being gay wasn’t catching and it sucked that someone he’d thought was a friend really wasn’t.

When class was over and he walked into his English class, it was to see Wonsik sitting at his desk, surrounded as always by a bevy of beauties and other popular boys.  Instead of making eye contact with him, Wonsik ignored him in favor of pulling one of the girls into his lap, her squeal grating in the quiet room.

It made him want to throw up.  Not only was Wonsik ignoring him, but now he was shoving his own sexual orientation in his face like some sort of armor.  Ignoring them, he reached into his bag and pulled out his book.  Flipping it open to the last page he’d read, he did his best to zone out.

A hand on his shoulder had him jerking out of his reverie.  He looked up to see Wonsik staring at him, a look he couldn’t quite decipher on his face.  

“We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“What do you mean, about what?  Dude, you can’t just drop a bomb on me like that and expect me not to react.”

“Wonsik, it’s obvious me being gay freaks you out.  Don’t force yourself to stay friends with me if it makes you so uncomfortable.”

Wonsik let out a frustrated noise, before running a hand through his hair.  He leaned forward in his chair until his face was inches away.

“Meet me at the café.  I want to talk to you.  You’re still my friend, dude.”

He didn’t want to go, but at the same time, he wanted to get this over with once and for all.  

“Fine, I’ll meet you there after school.”

Wonsik smiled at him, a look of relief on his face before getting up and going back to his cronies.  He turned back to his book, doing his best to ignore the dread that pooled in his stomach.

After school they met up at the café.  He was there first, like usual.  Instead of focusing on his homework like he normally would, he stared out the window, sipping on his hot chocolate when he remembered it was there.  His boyfriend hadn’t been overly thrilled that he was meeting Wonsik without him, but he understood once the reason was explained.  He didn’t tell him about his crush, but he did tell him of Wonsik’s reaction to the news of his sexuality.

When Wonsik came in and saw him, the smile that crossed his lips was surprising.  He went up and got his drink before slipping into the seat across from him.  

“Thanks for showing up.  I was afraid you’d be too pissed off at me and never talk to me again.”

“It’s okay, Wonsik.”

“No, it’s really not.  I am really sorry about how I reacted.  I mean, you’re my friend and you being gay doesn’t bother me at all. Honestly…it just shocked me and I wasn’t sure how to react.  Then you flipped out on me and I thought our friendship was over.  And that would have sucked because I’m glad you’re my friend.”

“I’m glad you’re my friend too.  We are a pair, aren’t we?  The popular kid and the gay nerdy underclassman.”

“Dude, shut up.  You’re just too fucking smart for your own good, that’s all.  So…we okay?”

“Yeah, we’re okay.”

“You’re not going to confess your undying love for me now, are you?”

He rolled his eyes.

“No, I’m not going to traumatize you and confess my undying love.  I’d like to think I’ve got better taste than that.”

Wonsik gasped, his hand coming up to rest on his chest.

“I’m wounded!  I’m a catch, thank you!”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“You’re cruel.  Cruel I tell you!”

He snorted and motioned at Wonsik.

“Fine, you’re a catch and any girl will be lucky to have you while all of us who bat for the other team will mourn our loss.  Happy now?”

“Extremely.”

“You’re such a diva.”

“Hey, now!”

He laughed and shook his head.

“I can’t believe we went from me thinking me being gay freaked you out to you being mad I’m not crawling all over you.”

Wonsik joined in the laughter and settled back into his seat.

“You’re cute.  If I swung that way, I’d be all over you.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“So we’re good now?”

“Yes, we’re good.”

“Your boyfriend is cute.  Looks like he really likes you.”

“I really like him, so it’s good.”

“I’m glad.”

They grinned at each other and it went back to the way it used to be.  Their friendship seemed to have deepened, now that Wonsik knew who he really was, which surprised the hell out of him.  Halfway through their junior year, his boyfriend broke up with him, stating that he thought they’d be better friends than lovers.  At first he was devastated and spent quite a few hours crying on Wonsik’s shoulder, lamenting his life choices.  

But as time progressed, he realized his ex was right.  As much as they’d cared for each other, his crush on Wonsik just would not go away, no matter how often he wished for it to.  He knew that nothing would ever come of it, but no matter how much he wanted it to, it stayed around like a thorn in his side.  That they had become closer and spent more time together than ever before just seemed to feed his need to torture himself.

Junior year was brutal, with exams, cram sessions that made him want to pull his hair out and a ridiculous amount of time spent over at Wonsik’s house for study dates.  As much as he hated to admit it, he loved the time he got to spend with Wonsik.  There were many a night he’d be over too late and they would end up falling asleep, only to wake up the next day squashed on Wonsik’s twin-sized bed, their bodies draped over each other.  

They would laugh it off and go back to studying like nothing had happened, but deep in his heart, he wished that they didn’t have to laugh it off.  He may only be sixteen, but he knew what it was to yearn, to want so bad that it physically hurt.  He’d memorized Wonsik’s laugh, his smell, how his eyes would crinkle up when he laughed.  But he was determined to ignore his deeper feelings, his friendship with Wonsik too important.  

It all came to a head though, one too many things pushing him past his breaking point.  It was the end of the year and parties were going on just about every weekend.  He had been invited multiple times but had always turned down said invitations, more comfortable hanging out alone.  That and he was much younger than his fellow classmates and had yet to acquire a taste for alcohol.  

But Wonsik had pressured him, telling him that it was the biggest party of the year, the last hurrah before summer, and that everyone would be there.  It didn’t take much before he found himself agreeing.  He didn’t know what he was getting into, but he dressed accordingly, even leaving his glasses at home and putting in the contacts his mom had finally bought him.  

When he arrived, the party was already well underway.  As he made his way through the crush of people, he was greeted with smiles and bro hugs, his friendship with Wonsik making him more popular than he’d ever been before.  He found Wonsik in the kitchen, a red cup in his hand and a guy he’d never seen before standing next to him.

“Dude, you’re here!  Meet Taekwoon!  He’s in college, but his cousin invited him and he’s here to hang out with us mere mortals.”

He nodded his hello and took the cup Wonsik handed him.  He took a sip, grimacing at the taste of lukewarm beer on his tongue.  Wonsik’s deep laugh made him shy and he took another sip to block it out.

“Don’t go getting drunk yet, man.  The night’s just started.”

He nodded and set the cup down on the counter.  He didn’t know what to do with himself, but Wonsik had turned back to Taekwoon, leaving him alone.  He wandered into the living room where a group was dancing.  He watched, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.  He was bored and kind of pissed that Wonsik was ignoring him, especially since he’d whined so much to get him to come.  

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, antsy for some reason.  He wanted to leave, but he’d promised to stick around.  He decided to go back to the kitchen, a drink better than nothing.  As he came around the corner, he stopped dead in his tracks.  

Wonsik was in Taekwoon's embrace, their bodies so closely entwined that there was no space between them.  Wonsik's hands were cupping the back of Taekwoon's head, fingers running through his hair.  He could see Taekwoon's tongue in Wonsik's mouth and it made him want to throw up.

“What the fuck?”

For someone who was known for being quiet, his voice was startling in its volume.  The two split apart, eyes wide at the interruption.  Wonsik stared at him, his eyes blown with lust.

“Uh…oh, shit.”

“Yeah, oh shit.  What the hell, Wonsik?  You’re gay now?”

“No!  I mean…oh, shit.  Dude, I’m sorry!”

He turned on his heel and stormed away, not even bothering to wipe the tears away.  He was angry and so hurt.  Why was Wonsik doing this now?  Why was it now when he finally decided he liked men and why wasn’t it him?  Why did he have to catch them kissing in the kitchen?  And not just kissing, but so deeply into each other that they didn’t even hear him until he said something.

He wanted to die.  Curl up in a ball and disappear.  He pushed through the crowd, his goal the front door and freedom.  He could hear Wonsik’s voice behind him yelling his name, but he ignored him in favor of escape.  He reached the front door and pulled it open, stumbling over his feet as he ran down the stairs and out to the sidewalk.

He couldn’t even focus enough to figure out where he was going, he just knew he had to get away.  As far away from Wonsik as he could.  A hand on his shoulder spinning him around had him grunting.

“Dude!  Stop running away from me!”

“Stop running away from you?  Wonsik, are you fucking kidding me?”

“What the hell is your problem?”

He shook Wonsik’s hand off his shoulder and glared at him, tears still streaking down his cheeks.

“What is my problem?  You’re seriously asking me that right now?  You know what, Wonsik, fuck you.”

“Are you mad that I kissed Taekwoon?”

He rolled his eyes and lifted his hands to swipe at his cheeks.

“Am I mad that you kissed Taekwoon?  I don’t even know how to dignify that with an answer.  Wonsik, you freaked out when you found out I was gay!  Now you’re making out with a random dude at a party and you’re wondering why I’m upset?  Are you seriously that blind?”

“I’m sorry!  But this kind of came out of nowhere for me too, ya know?  I’ve never felt this way about someone before.”

“You just met him!  Jesus, Wonsik, if you wanted to explore your sexuality, why didn’t you do it with me?  Jesus Christ, I’ve liked you for the last year and a half!  Why did you have to be so obtuse that you couldn't see it?”

Wonsik gaped at him.

“Yeah, now you know my big secret.  I like you.  I’ve liked you since I started tutoring you, but you’re blind and stupid and didn’t see it.  And now, here we are.”

He ran an agitated hand his hair and looked down at his feet.  

“You’ve liked me all this time?”

“Yes!  Are you seriously that blind?  How could you miss it?”

He looked up to see Wonsik staring at him, his eyes dark and sad.

“I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I didn’t see it.  I’m sorry that I’ve done this to you!  You’re one of my best friends and seeing you cry like this hurts me.”

"It hurts you?  How the hell do you think I feel?  Jesus, Wonsik!"

Wonsik stepped closer, his hand out to touch his shoulder, but he shrugged him away.  

“Why couldn’t you see me?  Why couldn’t you see that I like you?”

Wonsik moved back, his hands held up looking helpless.

“I don’t know!  I don’t know and I am so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

Without another word, he turned and walked away, his head held up high.  He could feel Wonsik watching him, his gaze like shards of glass pressing against his skin, but he didn’t turn back.  He couldn’t…

“Yah!  Kim Namjoon, what is wrong with you?”

Namjoon shook himself from his reverie, looking up to see his best friend and music partner staring down at him.  He looked down at where his fingers were rubbing gentle circles over the name etched into his wrist before getting up with a smile.

“Sorry, Yoongi, I got lost in the past.  What’s up?”

To Be Continued…

*sidenote- Welcome...to my BTS/VIXX crossover.  I've been wanting to write BTS forever but could never figure out how.  And then this idea hit and well...here you have it.  I'm sorry it's not RaBin for all you shippers out there.  *snorts*  Hopefully you'll forgive me this once.  :D