Accept Me (VIXX Leo)

Okay...so, this one came out of nowhere.  Personal experience mostly.  Except I've yet to find a guy with this much patience.  Still, real life has a way of creating the best stories, doesn't it?  I hope y'all enjoy.  And boy howdy, this one isn't remotely Ramadan safe.  But, something to look forward to!








When Jung Taekwoon asked you out almost a year ago, you were thrilled.  To an extent.  You'd become friendly through mutual friends.  He'd been the shy boy who kept stealing glances at you when he thought you weren't looking.  You'd started talking and then, one day, he'd up and asked you out.  You were shocked that he could be that bold, but once you got to know him, you realized it really wasn't that odd.

For the most part your relationship was about as ideal as it could get.  You spent a lot of time apart due to his idol life and your own career, but when you could get together, it was lovely.  You spent a lot of time cooking, eating, watching movies, listening to music, the usual.  There was one thing that wasn't perfect about your relationship.  And that was you.

You'd always known you were different, especially when it came to men and sex.  You'd matured very young; too young.  At the age of ten you looked like you were eighteen and men had started flirting with you when you were too young to understand or deal with it.  As you'd gotten older, you began to realize the way you thought about men wasn't the norm.  You could look at a guy and think he was attractive, but you had never, in your life, been sexually attracted to one before getting to know him.  It was like your hormones had skipped over that part.

It wasn't like you didn't think about sex.  You did, a lot, but when it came to being physically intimate with another person, the thought of it kind of made you ill.  You'd dated before Taekwoon, but guys weren't necessarily the most patient when it came to sex.  They wanted more than you were able to give right away.  When you tried to explain the reason why, they'd tell you that you were a tease or that there was something wrong with you.

It wasn't until you met Taekwoon that you even ventured a thought in that direction.  You'd been dating for almost a year.  He'd been insanely patient with you, holding back when you could tell he wanted to go further.  He was actually a gentleman and waited for you to give the okay.  He didn't even kiss you until you'd been dating for three months.  But, as always, you couldn't seem to get past this mental/hormonal barrier that sat between you.

You knew he had to be frustrated.  Masturbation could only take him so far and you knew that sooner or later, he'd snap.  And finally, one night, he did.  You were at your apartment, eating dinner and watching a movie.  You were sitting on the floor, leaning against his leg.  He set down his bowl and reached out to put his hand on your shoulder.  You jumped, startled, and looked up at him.  He was staring down at you, his expression dark and honestly a bit foreboding.

"Taekwoon?"

"Can I ask you a serious question?"

You put down your bowl and turned to face him fully, your arm resting on the couch.  

"Sure."

"Do you not like me?  Is there something wrong with me?  The way I treat you?"

You let out a deep sigh.  You'd been dreading this conversation, but you knew it was time to really talk to him.  You just hoped he didn't hate you after it was all over.  You stood up and sat down next to him.  You took his hands between yours and tried to be as honest as you could.

"Taekwoon, there's nothing wrong with how you treat me.  You've been the most patient, amazing person ever and I know this hasn't been easy for you.  Trust me when I say that it is all me."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not...how do I say this?  I don't think about sex the way most people do.  No, that's not right.  I think about sex a lot, but when it comes to actual attraction and wanting to have sex, I don't think of it the way most people do."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"I'm sure you've heard terms like pansexual, asexual, demisexual, etc?"

"I guess, but I don't know what they mean."

"I'm...a demisexual.  It means that I can't or don't find people sexually attractive until I'm connected to them in some way."

"Okay...so, you don't find me attractive?"

You let go of his hands and stood up, your hands coming up to rake through your hair.  How on earth were you going to say this without seriously pissing him off?

"I think you're gorgeous.  I think your mind is amazing.  How you can see the world and people in a way most people can't.  But when it comes to sex?  This is why I keep putting the brakes on when you want to go further.  I don't know how to get past this mental barrier I have.  I WANT to find you sexually attractive.  I crave it.  I want to touch you.  I want you to touch me.  But as soon as we get remotely close to that point...I dunno.  I freeze up and get slightly nauseous."

"So I make you sick?"

He stood up then, his hands going to his waist, a look of hurt on his face.

"No!  Damn it!"

You threw your hands up and turned away, not wanting to face this conversation.

"No, you don't make me sick, Taekwoon.  God!  I wish I could explain this better!"

You felt his hands on your shoulders as he turned you around to face him.

"Baby, look at me."

You looked him in the eye, biting your lip as you saw the concern shown there so clearly.

"I'm sorry, Taekwoon.  I should have told you this when we first started dating.  I just...I didn't know how to bring it up without sounding like a freak.  I've had some...not so good relationships end because the guys I dated before didn't know how to deal with it.  I got called names.  Told I was a tease.  I'm not!  I just don't think about sex the way most people do!  And it sucks!  I wish I could be normal!  I wish I could do the things I want to do with you, but I don't know how!"

He pulled you close, his chin resting on top of your head.  His arms went around you, holding you close without squeezing too tightly.  You leaned your head against his chest, breathing hard, wishing you knew how to make this work.

"So, what do we do?  How do we handle this?"

You shook your head.

"I don't know.  I don't understand how it works half the time.  Maybe it'll be like a light switch and all of a sudden I want to jump your bones."

He snorted, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

"You'll tell me when you're ready?  If that light switch decides to turn on?"

"Trust me, you'll be the first to know."

You heard and felt him chuckle, his arms squeezing you tight, before he let go.  He took your hand and led you over to the couch.  Wrapping his arms around you, he pulled you against him, keeping you close to him.  You glanced up at him askance, wondering what was up with this unexpected skinship.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you used to my touch."

"It's not like I don't want you to touch me."

"I know.  But this way you'll be comfortable when we do get to that point."

You sighed and relaxed against him, your head snuggled against his chest.  How you'd gotten so lucky to find someone like him was beyond you, but you were so happy he was yours.

Over the next few weeks, every time you met, the same thing would happen.  He'd snuggle you up against him, his arms around you as he held you close.  But he never tried anything.  He wouldn't kiss you, not even when you leaned up to do so.  You found yourself pouting and wondering what you'd done wrong.

"Taekwoon, why won't you kiss me?"

He looked up from the book he was reading, his eyebrow cocked up with a slight smirk on his lips.

"I'm getting you used to me, remember?"

"But..I like kissing you."

"Oh, really?"

"Well, yeah.  Kissing is fun.  And you're really good at it.  So, yeah."

He snickered lightly and shook his head.

"I'm glad you think so, but this is my experiment."

"For how long?"

"Hmm...until you decide you want me."

You scooted over until you sat right next to him and pulled the book out of his hands.  You made sure to save his spot before tossing it on the coffee table.

"So you're teasing me?"

"Mm..."

"You suck."

He reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from your face, before cupping your cheek and brushing his thumb over it.

"I don't want to rush you.  I don't want to make you uncomfortable.  Maybe...maybe doing this will get you to realize that you do want me."

You reached up and clasped his wrist.

"Ah, Taekwoon, you can't be real.  No man has this type of patience."

"I do."

"You're too good for me."

"No, I'm not.  What I am is someone who cares for you and wants you to feel like a normal woman for the first time in your life."

"Are you serious right now?  What man in his right mind says stuff like that?"

He snickered before leaning forward and placing a kiss on the tip of your nose.  Your nose scrunched up and you rolled your eyes.

"You're not helping."

"Baby, just accept the fact that I'm not giving up, okay?"

You sighed and nodded, your hand dropping down to rest in your lap.

"What if it never happens?  What if we're doomed to this oddly platonic relationship?"

"Then that's what we'll have."

You pushed away from him and stood up, glaring down at him, your hands clenched at your sides.

"Taekwoon, this isn't something to joke about!"

"I'm not joking!"

"Why would you doom yourself to being with someone like me?"

He stood up, his hands coming up to brace your shoulders.

"It's because I love you!"

You stared up at him, mouth agape at his words.

"You love me?"

"Yes!  Jesus!  Of course I love you!  If I didn't..."

"You wouldn't still be around."

"Exactly!  But I do love you and I don't care.  I don't care if we don't have sex.  Would I love to have sex with you?  God, yes!  But it doesn't define our relationship.  If we can't...we can't."

You felt the tears starting to trickle down your cheeks at his words. 

"You really do love me."

"Yes!  I do!  And that's why this whole thing is driving me crazy!  Because I know you love me too.  If you'd just admit it."

His words took you aback, your mind going slightly blank as you pondered what he'd just said.  Did you love him?  Did you even know what love was?  You cared for him a great deal.  You enjoyed his company.  You even found yourself thinking about him when he wasn't around.  But did you love him?

"I..."

He sighed and reached up to brush the tears from your cheeks.

"Don't force yourself.  You'll tell me when you're ready.  I'm going to go home.  I've got a schedule tomorrow.  I do love you.  I hope you know that."

You watched him as he gathered up his bag and left.  You flopped down on the couch, your hands coming up to cup your cheeks.  You could still feel the lingering sensation of his fingers on your cheeks, brushing away your tears.  The gentleness in his voice.  The way he smelled.

And just as you predicted, it was like a light switch had gone off.  As memories of the last year flooded through your brain, you felt different.  Flushed.  Tingly.  Things you couldn't really describe because you'd never felt them before.

As you sat there, feeling sexual desire for a man for the first time in your life, you basked in it.  It was like you'd been bathed in warm sunlight after being out in the cold for years.  You wanted to pick up your phone and call him to come back, but you waited.  It took everything in you to hold back, but you did.

It was a week later that your schedules finally gelled.  You texted him asking him over for dinner.  You dressed pretty for him, even going out and buying new lingerie.  Now that you wanted him, you could barely contain yourself.  You made the food and then spent the next half hour pacing like a caged animal.

How were you going to broach this subject?  Did you just pin him against a wall and kiss the life out of him?  Did you let him take the wheel so to speak?  You'd never done this before and your nerves were about to kill you.

When the door finally buzzed you almost ran to the door to let him in.  He smiled at you as you stepped back and he came inside, kicking off his shoes.

"Hey, baby.  You look gorgeous."

You felt the blush heat your cheeks, but you smiled and thanked him.  You told him to sit at the table and went to serve the meal.  Your hands were shaking so bad that when you went to put the food on the table, the plate slipped out of your hand, shattering on impact.  You stared down at the mess, tears welling up.

Taekwoon stood up and pulled you away from the mess, sitting you down on the couch with an admonishment to stay there while he cleaned up.  You buried your face in your hands, humiliated and annoyed.  All of that hard work for nothing.  Now your night was ruined and you just wanted to curl up in bed, the covers up over your head to block out the world.

You felt him before anything, his warms hands on your wrists, pulling them away from your face.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything."

"Why?  What happened?"

"I had this night all planned out.  A great meal.  A heated makeout session and then sex.  And it's like I'm cursed or something."

You looked up to see Taekwoon staring at you, his eyes open wide in shock.

"Did you just say sex?"

"Yes, but now it's all ruined!"

The smile that crossed his face was beautiful.  He cupped your cheeks in his hands and leaned forward until his face was right next to yours.

"Baby, the meal can wait.  We...cannot."

Before you could say anything, he leaned all the way forward, his lips against yours.  The kiss that he pressed there was fervent and made your head spin.  Your eyes fluttered closed as you leaned into him, savoring this feeling of closeness you'd never had with anyone before. 

When he pulled away from you, your eyes opened, your hands going up to try to pull him to you, but he resisted.  He pulled you to your feet and swung you up into his arms, carrying you into the bedroom.  He placed you in the center of the bed, his movements gentle and sweet.  He sat down on the bed beside you, his hands resting on either side of your waist.

"Are you ready for this?"

You bit your lip, but nodded.  You'd never been so ready in your life.  He leaned down, his lips brushing over your forehead.

"If you get uncomfortable, just tell me, okay?"

You watched as he stood up and pulled his shirt over his head.  It was the first time you'd ever seen so much of his skin and you sat up unconsciously, your hands reaching out to touch him.  You brushed your fingers over his stomach, fascinated by the way it sucked in as he took a deep breath.  You glanced up at him and saw him staring down at you, his eyes dark and intense. 

"I don't know what to do," you whispered, feeling horribly insecure and self-conscious.

"Just let me take the lead, hmm?  Let me pleasure you."

You felt a tingling sensation, your clit actually pulsing at his words.  You gulped, but nodded.  He reached for the hem of your sweater, pulling it up and over your head.  Fingers reaching behind you, unclasping your bra and drawing it down your arms.  He gently pushed you back onto the bed, settling over you.  The feeling of his warm chest against your bare breasts had you suppressing a shiver.

"Taek."

He shushed you, his finger pressing against your lips.

"You're okay."

"I don't know if I'm going to survive this," you mumbled against his finger.  He snickered and leaned down to press a kiss to your lips.

"You'll survive.  You've waited this long.  I want you to be nothing but a moaning mess when I'm done with you."

"Oh, God."

Words were no longer used as he set out to destroy you.  Kisses pressed to your lips, your cheeks, your jaw, even your ears.  Fingers brushing over your skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.  Your eyes drifted closed, no longer able to take seeing the passion and determination on his face.

Tongue brushing over your shoulder, a nibble here, a nip there.  Hands cupping your breasts, fingers brushing circles around the nipples without touching them.  Your back arched automatically, pressing you against him.  You heard the soft grunt as your thigh brushed against his hard cock through his jeans, but all he did was shift his weight.  You had his complete and total focus and it was a marvelous thing.

His body shifting as he moved down, his hands brushing over the waistband of your slacks.  Tongue circling your navel, making you giggle softly.  You felt him smile against your skin before he pulled up.  Fingers at the clasp of your pants, sliding the zipper down.  You froze, waiting for him to slide them down your thighs, but instead you felt his lips against the skin right above the waistband of your panties.

You opened your eyes and looked down to see him looking at you, an expression on his face that made you sigh.  You'd never had anyone look at you like that before, so reverential and loving that it almost hurt.  He looked up at you, a gentle smile crossing his lips.  He leaned up to kiss you as he slid his hand down inside your panties, his fingers sliding against your sex.  You moaned into his kiss, your legs opening wider for him.  He smiled against your lips before leaning back.

"Good girl," he whispered, his voice husky.  You stared up at him as he delved deeper.  His fingertips brushed over your clit and your head arched back at the sensations he was wringing from you.  He pulled his hand free and began to drag your slacks and panties down your legs, leaving you naked before him.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he muttered before leaning down to kiss you again.  His fingers were back, sliding up and down, spreading the moisture of your arousal.  One long, gorgeous finger slid inside of you, making you gasp against his lips.  Another one joined, scissoring, getting you used to feeling full.

"Taekwoon," you whispered against his lips.  "You're going to kill me."

"That would be a tragedy, baby.  Just let go for me."

Your hips rolled, pushing his fingers deeper inside of you.  You let out a long deep sigh, your head arching back, away from his lips as you focused on what his fingers were doing to you.  His thumb began to draw circles around your clit, making your inner muscles clench around his fingers.

"Oh, God!"

You could feel how wet you were; could hear it as his fingers slid in and out of you.  You felt flushed, your skin pinkening as you got closer to your peak.  Your heartbeat was picking up, making your breath come faster.  You'd never orgasmed in front of someone before and you were scared.

Taekwoon read you like a book.  Your body was all for it, but your mind was fighting it.  He kissed your hard, his tongue pushing past your lips, gaining entrance to your mouth.  You groaned as your body rocked outside of your control.  You felt the orgasm coming, a whimper escaping you as you lost your focus, everything crumbling around you.  The orgasm slammed into you, making you scream as you rode it out.

Taekwoon swallowed your scream, his fingers picking up their pace, not letting you come down.  He kept it up until you were a moaning, writhing mess, sweat-drenched and gasping for breath.  His fingers slid from your trembling body and he got up, shucking his jeans and boxer briefs.  He turned slightly and you saw his cock for the first time.

He was fully hard, his cock tapping his lower belly.  Precum beading on the tip, making you whimper.  He fished a condom out of his bag and rolled it on, before turning to you.  He crawled onto the bed and lay on his back, motioning for you to sit up.  You did and he shifted you until you were straddling him, his hard cock pressed against you.

You looked down at him, wondering what to do next.  He said nothing, just took himself in hand as he guided himself into you.  The initial stretch felt odd.  It didn't hurt as you'd feared deep in your psyche.  He'd made sure you were more than lubricated, but it definitely felt weird.  When he was as deep into you as he could go, he held still.  His hands clasped yours, lacing your fingers together.  He pulled slightly, causing you to arch over him.  You gasped at the new sensations, but you didn't know what to do.

He lifted his head and pressed a kiss to your lips.

"Ride me."

"How?"

"Roll your hips.  Like you did when I made you cum with my fingers.  Your body knows."

You kissed him back and began to move.  Your hands pressed his to the bed as your hips began to roll, just like he'd said.  The feeling of having him slide in and out of you was like nothing you'd ever experienced before.  He was stroking nerve endings you didn't even know you had. 

As you got into a comfortable rhythm, he began to move.  On every downward roll of your hips, he'd thrust up.  The first time made you gasp.  The second time, you arched your hips into him harder.  It felt amazing and you couldn't believe you'd waited this long.

"You're amazing," he whispered, his fingers tightening around yours.  You looked down at him, lost in the sensations he was making you feel.  His gaze, so intent on you it felt like he could see into your soul.  You leaned forward, pressing a kiss against his chin.

"I love you."

That was the catalyst.  His fingers left yours and went to your hips, pulling you tight against him.  He sat up, the change in angle sliding him in deeper.  He began to fuck you in earnest, his fingers digging into your skin.  Your arms draped over his shoulders as you held on for dear life.

The orgasm that rolled over you had your head arching back, a long breathy moan coming from your lips.  Taekwoon followed close behind, his face buried against your neck, his breath hot against your skin.  He collapsed back, his fingers loosening from their death grip on your hips.  You lay draped over him, your body a complete dead weight as you reeled from what had just happened to you.

You lay like that for a bit before he rolled you over.  The sensation of him pulling out had you hissing, not with discomfort, but with sadness.  You felt like you were losing that connection with him.  He got up and disappeared into the bathroom.  You heard running water and then he was back, wet washcloth in hand.  His hand dipped between your thighs, the warm washcloth brushing over your super sensitized skin.  You shivered as he wiped you clean.

"You're too good to me," you whispered when he crawled back into bed.  He wrapped you in his arms and rolled onto his back, draping you over him.

"Why do you say that," he asked, his fingers playing with a strand of your hair.  You steepled your hands on his chest and leaned your chin against your clasped fingers.

"You waited all this time.  Put up with my weirdness.  Didn't run away when I told you why we hadn't had sex yet.  I swear you're not normal."

He snorted, his fingers pulling the strand of hair gently.

"I put up with it because I love you.  You're not weird.  You're just not wired like everyone else.  And if what we just shared is any indication of sex in the future, waiting wasn't that big of a hardship."

"Well, you know, I've been jotting down things I've wanted to do for years.  I have an entire journal full of scenarios."

"Oh, God!"

You snickered as you leaned up to kiss him.

"Just because I didn't desire you right away doesn't mean I didn't think about sex.  I did.  All the time.  I'll do my best not to kill you from overuse."

"If you do, it'll be an amazing way to die."